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When quitting, a good rule of thumb is a 2,000 calorie notice. (via)

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Or as "healthy" as Cup Noodles get. (via)

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Lukas might want to update his resume 4 days ago. (via)

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At least a beating would be quicker and more exciting. (via)

(updated 12.08.14)


Got a problem with it? Talk to Annette. (via)

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Eat the cupcake, your kid will never know. (via)

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How about Cocktor Pepper? (via)

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Someone's on the Candy Crush Diet. (via)

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As if the French Bread Pizza Bandit would ever bother to read that. (via)

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That kind of sounds like your problem, Tony. (via)

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