5. A judge released footage of Justin Bieber peeing in a cup because...justice? Bowing to pressure from journalists, a judge in Miami-Dade County agreed to make public a video of Bieber taking a drug test, as long as Bieber's penis was blacked out. To be on the safe side, the censors went with a giant black box that makes this video not only bizarrely invasive but also completely pointless. If we're going to release video of celebrity penises, let's at least blur them so there's room for cruel public speculation about size and shape. This is still America, isn't it?! So why was this video released? It seems the only answer is to shrug and say "Florida."

 

4. An elderly man was declared dead. He woke up in a body bag. 78-year-old Walter Williams of Mississippi was pronounced dead at his home after a coroner could not find a pulse. The next day, embalmers at a local funeral home were preparing to do their thing, when an employee noticed the body bag was moving. Williams was discovered alive and literally kicking to get out (yet another reason I have no interest in working in a funeral home). The coroner believes Williams's pacemaker stopped working and then started up again. Let's all just be happy for this man's family and not think too hard about the almost invisible line between life and death, shall we?

 

3. Police in India admitted they lost the password to their complaint filing website...for eight years. When you're feeling down on the American justice system, you can always count on corruption in India to brighten your day! This week, police in Delhi admitted that way back in 2006 they lost the password to a website where people can file complaints against corrupt government officials. Since then, over 600 complaints have been submited, but none have been investigated, because some guy forgot he replaced the "a"s in "TajMahal456" with @ symbols.

 

2. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court declared taking upskirt pics totally legal. The court ruled in the case of Michael Robertson, who was arrested in 2010 for taking so-called upskirt photos, that the photos are legal in the state. A judge said that a woman on public transit "wearing a skirt, dress, or the like covering these parts of her body is not a person who is 'partially nude,' no matter what is or is not underneath the skirt by way of underwear or other clothing." In other words, the law only prohibited taking secret photos of naked women, so clothed women were fair game. Good work sticking to the letter of the law, guys! Luckily, the public outcry was so great that today Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick signed a bill banning upskirt photos.

 


(via Facebook)

1. An otter ate an alligator, cause otters are the shit. You probably thought otters were just cute and cuddly and soft and playful and the most wonderful animals in the world. But they're also vicious killers! Or at least, this one is. The Lake Woodruff National Wildlife Refuge posted a series of photos to Facebook this week showing a river otter taking down a terrified-looking alligator. It was a rough week for alligators; another one was eaten whole by a python. Not great press for alligators. Personally, I've lost all respect for them.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)