5. Kenneth Cole. A reminder to everyone who has a Twitter or Facebook feed that exists solely for the sake of marketing: your job is to sell your shit, not to weigh in on anything that actually matters to people. Also, if you think it's okay to weigh in because you're just joking around, you should assume, due to the marketing thing, that you are astoundingly, mind-bogglingly unfunny. Finally, no one buys it when you hide behind the "starting a dialogue" shield. The dialogue you started isn't about whether attacking Syria is a good idea. It's about whether or not you're an asshole.

 

4. This Mom, for calling all her teenage sons' female Facebook friends sluts. Kimberly J. Hall is an out-of-control, sex-obsessed mother of some teenage boys who announced this week that she regularly sits down with her sons, clicks through their Facebook friends, and blocks all the girls whose Facebook photos she finds sexy. The post of course doesn't quite say it that way. It attempts to folksily chastise teenage girls for trying to be alluring in their Facebook pics (BREAKING! Teenage girls want to be considered attractive!). With this blocking bullshit, however, there's really no way to imagine it working without picturing Mrs. Hall going through photo by photo and thinking, "She's hot. Blocked. My son would totally spank to that. Blocked. That one even turned me on. Blocked." Naturally, the post went viral because there's no shortage of sexually terrified people who like to call girls sluts for having bodies. The delightfully ironic twist to the tale, though, is the fact that Mrs. Hall's own Facebook page is drowning in half-naked pics of her own teenage sons frolicking in bathing suits at the beach. Hopefully, mothers of teen girls have dutifully followed Mrs. Hall's advice and blocked her and her entire family from their daughters' Facebook pages.

 

3. Everyone involved in the Robocop remake. Doesn't matter how good you think the new trailer looks. Was nothing learned from the Total Recall remake (30% on Rotten Tomatoes)? Quit remaking campy Paul Verhoeven sci-fi satires. You're taking movies that had wit, a point of view, and genuinely inventive visuals, stripping them of everything but the log line and then spitting out a generic and forgettable attempt at a CGI blockbuster. The original Robocop movie is there any time we need it. Just like Starship Troopers is there any time we need it. The remakes, thank you, but not necessary.

 

2. Myself, for being so old and sad that I'm actually considering buying those gross Vibram Five-Finger running shoe foot-glove things. So, over Labor Day weekend I finally read Born To Run (I know I'm about four years late to the game, leave me be), and I was amazed by the stories of ultrarunners and barefoot runners and people running great distances well into their 90s. And now I'm actually considering buying these hideous, hippie-ass, yoga-doing, kombucha-drinking foot gloves. My wife has already threatened divorce. My cats no longer respect me. I'm not the man I wanted to be!

 

1. Adam Smith. Having authored his 1776 work, An Inquiry Into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations, and the ideas contained therein which would become the foundation of free-market society and forever immortalize him as the father of capitalism, Adam Smith pretty much laid out exactly how people are supposed to make a living and survive in America, so I blame him above anyone else for making me come back to work this week.

(by Bob Powers)