Don't go nuts worrying about why you're still single when everyone around you is already paired off. Here are ten perfectly logical reasons to explain why you still haven't found The One.
10. You are a pyromaniac, and your love of fire is stronger than your love for a significant other could ever be. People you’ve dated have pleaded with you to give them priority over your next flame, and you’ve tried. But eventually you set fire to their house and they end it with you.
9. You are deceased. Better get used to those weekends laying around by yourself with nothing but your own rot to keep you company. Since death is a yawning, blank void, most dead people go through a serious, eternity-long dry spell dating-wise.
8. You are trapped at the bottom of a well. You’ve been there for years and you gave up screaming for help long ago. It’s hard to find that special someone when your only social interaction never extends beyond the occasional conversation with a squirrel that lost its footing and fell in.
7. You were on one of those cruise ships that turned into a giant, festering toilet and amidst the panic some things went down that made you unable to ever trust humans again. You won’t be doing anyone any good by trying to jump into the dating scene when the screams of your fellow passengers are still ringing in your ear. Emotionally, you’re still at sea. Take as long as you need to bring that ship to the dock.
6. You still say “amazeballs” a lot. There’s only so much a potential lover can ignore.