Even people who don't realize they're on camera look happy. Do you know how rare
that is in reality television?

If you want to get away with whatever you want on television, I recommend eating healthy. That way, you can stick around long enough to age into someone who looks wholesome enough to get away with murdering 3-4 Boy Scouts on stage before anyone would even say anything.

Ray Jessel, 84, only took up performing music at the age of 72, so maybe it's not that surprising that he's only as mature (if not much less so) than his peers who are in their 20s. Ray managed to snag an audition for America's Got Talent, and one can see why: he looks like a lovable old coot who's going to sing funny grandpa songs for everyone. That probably explains why the people who hit the "bleep" button during words like "penis" seem to have fallen asleep. The thing people always forget about lovable old coots is that their old coot mouths are unspeakably filthy.

Did you see how he pretended to fumble that microphone? Genius.

And like the women he sings about, Ray turned out to have a lot more going on than the judges had bargained for in his performance. I've heard a lot of good penis songs in my day, and even a few good ones about ladies who had them, but none had that feeling of easy-going "realness" that "What She's Got (The Penis Song)" possessed. Apparently, Heidi Klum's family also loves the entire dames-with-dongs genre, because she already knows they'll be singing it the entire time.


This woman did not come to AGT intending to realize old people are sexual beings.

Easily the most old-person moment of this entire thing comes from Howard Stern, who is paid to be the most shocking person in the room and yet declared simply, "you're a breath of fresh air." C'mon, Howard. No one's said "breath of fresh air" and meant it seriously since before the woman in Ray's song was still young enough to use her penis, which was around the time this other very famous penis song was released:

(by Johnny McNulty)

Sources: Daily Dot | America's Got Talent