Oddly, my brother-in-law was a minister in
the Church of the Bongo Christ during college.

There's only one aspect of soccer that's more ridiculous than its rules and its fans and its brightly colored uniforms and that weird horn that people are always blowing at games and the general philosophy of the sport. That's the players' names. Yes, there's some crazy names in that sport! I mean, Michael Bradley? What is that, a first name and then an adverb of a second first name?! Ridiculous! 

Okay. Admittedly, I did not dig very deep for that one. But I have it on good authority that there are a lot of out-there names to be found. GQ did a much better job of finding some for this video quiz they did with John Oliver: 

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Sources: GQ