If you play that Madonna record less I'm sure your girlfriend will discover that you're straight.

This is the pizza box received by redditor _GO_AWAY_ after asking in the special instructions field for the pizza delivery guy's "deepest, darkest secret." I think this is a lie. You don't get to be a pizza delivery guy without seeing some shit. You spend your life entering people's homes. Strangers at their hungriest and neediest call you to come to them and bring them sustenance when they have nowhere else to turn. The pizza delivery guy deals exclusively with the desperate. You don't walk the night with an insulated pizza sleeve unless you're willing to carry a whole lot more secrets than just "I like to rock out to 'Vogue'." 

(by Bob Powers)

Sources: Redditor _GO_AWAY_