6 tips for female hurricanes who want to be taken more seriously.
A recent study suggested that people don't fear hurricanes with female names as much as they fear hurricanes with male names. As a result, female hurricanes are up to three times more deadly than their male counterparts. Yet despite this killing power, they're still paid only $0.77 on the dollar!
So how can you, the average female hurricane, change the way lady cyclones are regarded in the office? Here are a few tips:
1. Don't worry about being a people pleaser. For far too long, female hurricanes have tried to make everyone happy, seeing their role as nurturers instead of destroyers. But as a woman hurricane, you're going to have to make decisions—decimating century-old homes, toppling levees, drowning beloved pets—that won't always be popular. Be prepared for disparaging comments from male weather systems, who may call you "bossy" or worse. Remember: they're just intimidated by your ability to cause unprecedented coastal flooding.
2. Take risks to get ahead. You were a mere tropical storm once, but you had the ambition and nerve to develop a cyclonic shape with a central eye. Just because you're a little older and wiser now doesn't mean you should stop evolving. If you've been spiraling in a clockwise direction, try spiraling counterclockwise for a change! Ask yourself if that's really the lowest atmospheric pressure you can achieve. Shock everyone by transitioning to an extratropical zone. What's a place you could make landfall that no one's thought of yet? Indiana?
3. Don't leave until you leave. You've always known that at some point you'd want to settle down, move inland, and spawn some tornadoes. But to quote Sheryl Sandberg, don't make landfall before you make landfall. Many young female hurricanes figure they won't even bother becoming bigger than a category 2 or 3 since they'll just have to give it up when they dissipate over land while begetting dangerous thunderstorms. If you keep gaining deadly strength right up until you deliver a pounding the likes of which Bermuda has never seen before, however, you'll be that much higher up the ladder when you get back from maternity leave.
4. Dream big. Male hurricanes get ahead because they believe they deserve to have it all. If Hurricane Andrew had been content with the status quo, he never would have become the costliest hurricane in history up to that point. Yet too often, female cyclones have trouble envisioning themselves causing a damaging storm surge or achieving wind speeds over 195 miles per hour. You have to believe in your own destructive potential if you want to get ahead, so take time to daydream about your future.
5. Sit at the table. Female cyclones are often plagued by self-doubt, relegating themselves to the sidelines while the big boy monsoons make the news. That's a mistake. If you underestimate yourselves, others will, too. But don't just sit at the table. Sit on the table. Crush the table. Good. Now move on to some other furniture. Miami isn't going to flatten itself.
6. Support other women hurricanes. Start a circle of like-minded female cyclones and meet regularly to swirl and offer support. Discuss the issues that affect all of you while you gather strength, combining your powers to become terrifyingly strong. Don't think of other women hurricanes as the enemy. If you merge, your destructive capabilities will become unparalleled.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)