"I'm all alone, thinking of you."
Sad news. Science has proven that sometimes when you get a text from someone saying they are wearing nothing but a towel and a naughty smile, they might actually be wearing a pair of wrinkled khakis and a hoodie covered in Cheez-it dust. Because after a very necessary scientific study, it's been found that half of all sexters are liars.
The study conducted by Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne surveyed 155 college students to find out how many of them had perved out on someone via text message. Of those surveyed, 109 claimed to have sexted, and 48% of them admitted to having been not entirely honest in the content of their sext. Gasp.
Here's how the data breaks down for you, the sexted, based on the responses of a bunch of horny, lying undergrads:
- If a horndog tells you what they're wearing in a sext, there is a 20% chance that they are in fact not wearing that thing, or that they are wearing something even though you trusted them when they said they weren't wearing anything at all.
- If a bootyhound tells you they're engaged in a particular activity, such as rubbing a particular part of the anatomy or writhing on the floor and "moaning for it," there is a 20% chance they're doing something else entirely, like watching TV or committing a murder. There's just no way of knowing!
- Here's the scary part. 28% of those who admitted to lying said they had lied about what they were wearing and what they were doing. Both at the same time! The study did not further ask if those people were hurt as children and that's why they send those they admire into a maze of deception.
According to the study, these lies are not self-serving. “When participants were asked why they lied during sexting with committed partners, two-thirds of those who provided a relevant response indicated that they did so to benefit their partner,” the study claims. So basically, while the sexter might be doing something unsexy, like vacuuming or eating a tuna salad sandwich, they still want to give you what you need to make it happen for you. It's all for you, sweet baby. All for you.
The report goes on to say that sometimes lying in sexts can reflect a bigger problem like avoiding intimacy and blah blah blah. The important thing to know is this: technology has changed nothing. Sex is lies, just as it always has been, and sexual congress necessitates dishonesty and trickery. Please use the comments section to state exactly what you're wearing right now.
(by Bob Powers)