Say hello to your new mail order girlfriend.

First of all, you all totally know what a Fleshlight is, so I won't be explaining that here. And if you don't know, you really have no business reading this post anyway. Come on. Please don't make me do it. I already had to explain a bouncy house made of giant boobs yesterday. Ugh! Okay, real quick: When a daddy loves a thing that looks kind of like a donut lightsaber very much, he unzips his— Nope! Never mind. Just read about it here, if you really need to.

The important thing is that the company that makes the Fleshlight just announced a new a product called the Fleshlight LaunchPad. Essentially, it's a case for your tablet with a space designed for you to jam a Fleshlight into it so that you can... Well, so that you can make your iPad pregnant, so to speak. Take a look:

I think it's adorable that they're pretending that this is designed to help you "come together" with your girlfriend or wife or whatever. So that you can "come together." I mean, I guess you could use it for that. But you won't be. Not a chance.

Though, I guess it would have been a much sadder commercial if it just showed some guy scrolling through Pornhub and listlessly eating Cheetos for 45 minutes while he's supposed to be working on his resume.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Sources: Fleshlight | h/t redditor immorta1