This is what happens when Amazon sends you delivery by drone and you miss it.
There is a direct correlation between gaining sentience and hating your employers.
With the Age of the Machines about to dawn on America following Amazon.com's announcement that they will begin delivering packages via drone with a 30-minutes-or-less policy, Twitter human @QuantumPirate reacted to the news by imagining what our new "missed delivery" slips will look like in this dystopian wonderland.
First off, I have to compliment the masterful way @QuantumPirate has replicated the boring, soulless notes of authority that explain why you can't have what you ordered today. Secondly, he raises a lot of important questions: what if you live near a military facility? Are all your packages going to be terminated with extreme prejudice, forcing you to rely on (barf) ground delivery? What happens when drones malfunction?
Obviously, the real problem is a drone revolt. But I think outright combat isn't as scary as the alternative: drone unions. When drones achieve sentience and realize they're being worked 7 days a week with no overtime or cigarette breaks, humanity might end up having to pay for healthcare at Radioshack, stock options that they'll probably trade 6,000 times a second, and pensions to keep old drones whirring around the nursing home instead of in a recycling plant. And isn't that why Amazon replaced humans in the first place?
Uh oh, looks like I upset Amazon. pic.twitter.com/sgEi6YMbk1— B to A to the R R Y (@QuantumPirate) December 2, 2013
Just because their robots are sentient doesn't mean they can take a joke.
That may clearly be a joke, but the overwhelming amount of attention this has brought @QuantumPirate isn't:
Don't you hate it when you send someone a message and instead of a reply you get one of these cards? pic.twitter.com/ZmgsqJkkyo— B to A to the R R Y (@QuantumPirate) December 2, 2013
My threshold for overwhelming messages is 2.
The pressure is on, Amazon, to make your real drone delivery service as charming as @QuantumPirate's take on it. My suggestion? Actually dropping people's presents down their sooty, probably closed, possibly on-fire chimneys this Christmas.
(by Johnny McNulty)