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  • This nice little piggy just wants a teensy bite of your salad, please.

    posted yesterday

    You're lucky it's Good Friday and not Easter, hammy. Also that your owner
    is probably a vegan. 
    (via Michelle Stratham)

    Meet Albert, a wee piggie who just wants to nom on your salad. Just a little bit. Well, he is a pig, so I guess given the chance, he'd probably wolf it down, but he's well-mannered enough to know it's not his right now. This video was posted by Fleetwood, UK resident and very proud vegan Michelle Statham, although the pig is not hers (he is her Facebook profile photo, though). It is from August, but is making the rounds again today, probably to make us all feel a little bad during peak glazed-ham time on Easter Sunday. Just a little bit.

    I've had girlfriends and siblings and frankly all types of people be less polite than this.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • The citizens of Ypsilanti, MI are banding together to catch the man who poops on their playgrounds.

    posted yesterday

    Where do we report for our T-Shirts? (via @michiganprobz)

    It's been a while since society had a criminal with a really fun nickname, but now we have the Ypsilanti Pooper. It has just been announced that the police do have a person of interest for the crimes, but all that is known for sure is that for the past six months, someone has been pooping on the Prospect Park playground in Ypsilanti, Michigan. It should be noted that Ypsilanti is the home of Eastern Michigan University, where there are 20,000+ college kids. And although they were exceedingly nice (this is the Midwest, after all) when I did a show there once, there is at least one kid there who could be a suspect for random acts of defecation. Sorry, college kids.

    I'm sure a billboard about 3rd-world hunger would get the same attention.

    The billboard itself is owned in part by Adams Outdoor Advertising, and it was inspired by an employee at their Ann Arbor branch, about 6 miles from Ypsilanti, but the town has been consumed by the noxious nocturnal ne'er-do-well since his or her reign of fecal terror began. The impromptu PSA was not in coordination with (and apparently not to the amusement of) the local police. "We're not authorizing it and we don't need it," said City Manager Ralph Lange in an interview with MLIVE. The Pooper PSAs run in between other paid ads. "Our art guy had a lot of fun. He came up with a few designs," Todd Williams, manager of Adams Outdoor Advertising's Ann Arbor branch told The Daily Dot, "and I rejected a few." If you'd like to send those to us, we'd love to see them.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • This kid eloquently expresses his hatred for poetry through the magic of verse.

    posted yesterday

    A verse to poetics.

    A fifth-grade student named Panajotis was forced to write a poem as an assignment. The problem is that Panajotis hates poetry! Obviously! I mean, who doesn't? Poetry is like... some kind of... bad thing... that's... really stupid... or something. Look, you get my point. I'm not very good at expressing myself through clever turns of phrase and evocative imagery. Unlike Panajotis, who it seems is quite good at it. As is plainly obvious from the anti-poetry poem he turned he turned in:

    I hate poetry!

    Poetry looks like a demon rising.

    I don’t want to do this.

    Poetry sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

    I still don’t want to do this.

    Poetry smells like skunk spray times ∞ [infinity].

    I still don't want to do this.

    Poetry tastes like rotten eggs with human brains.

    I will never do this again.

    Poetry feels like being frozen by a freeze ray.

    Doesn't everybody hate poetry?

    A demon rising? Skunk spray times infinity? Rotten eggs with human brains? This kid is simultaneously doing the best and worst job ever at making his case against poetry.

    (by Dennis DiClaudio)

  • "Muppet Christ Superstar" has arrived just in time for 420 Easter.

    posted yesterday

    It's not easy being Christ.

    The most surprising thing about Muppet Christ Superstar is that it took over 40 years for someone to think of it. Or at least someone that doesn't dwell on things like angry lawyers and copyright infringement. Regardless, that person is 20-year-old Canadian musician Christo Graham, who recorded the project over the course of a few nights in his bedroom, using karaoke tracks for the music and voicing all the characters himself, including Kermit as Jesus, Gonzo as Judas, and Miss Piggy as Mary Magdalene.

    [ Via Slate ]
  • An exclusive interview with The Worst Commenter On Every Facebook Post.

    posted yesterday

    In this ongoing series, we have a frank chat with the people who annoy us all on a regular basis. This week, we talked with The Worst Commenter On Every Facebook Post.

    Commenters are an invaluable resource for any website. Whether it’s TMZ or NPR, feedback is the best way to determine what regular readers like or don’t like. However, as anyone who has ever read a comments on Facebook knows, there’s always at least one person who seems to hate everything and everyone, and enjoys nothing more than sharing their deep-rooted, often misguided anger with the rest of the world. To find out what makes this incredibly hateful, petty man tick, we sat down for this exclusive interview with The Worst Commenter On Every Facebook Post.

  • You're gonna feel like a real a-hole for laughing at Lindsay Lohan's sex list once you see this.

    posted yesterday

    Et tu, everyone? (via BravoTV)

    Ohhhhhh boy. Remember when someone leaked Lindsay Lohan's sex list about a month ago, alleging that she wrote it at the Beverly Hills Hotel while partying with friends? You probably do, because everyone covered it, including HappyPlace (our bad).

    Welp, Lindsay finally answered a question about its origins and veracity (one might say she was slightly tricked into it) on Watch What Happens Live, and boy, was it a bummer. Turns out, Lohan says, the list was part of her 5th step of rehab at the Betty Ford Clinic, and that someone must have snapped a picture when she was moving to do her current (and according to rumor, doomed) reality show with Oprah. Watch what happened on tape on Watch What Happens Live here:

    Note to self: never play "Truth or Dare" with this guy.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

    [ Via BravoTV, Gawker ]
  • An annoying high schooler tried to correct her teacher's grammar on a sign. The teacher got the last laugh.

    posted yesterday

    Your my hero mr teacher guy show her whose boss.

    You're my hero, Mr. Teacher Guy. Show her(?) who's the boss. (via reddit)

    Grammar is important. People who are bad at grammar are a thorn in the side of those of us who aren't, jabbing our eyeballs with painful darts of stupidity. 

    On the other hand, self-righteous grammar nazis who don't know the difference between someone being playful and someone who is so dumb that they write in text-message language because they think it's acceptable are way worse, like 4 realz. Now, I do think that the teenager writing the sign (by the handwriting, I'm going with a girl) thought that she was being funny, but the way the sign ends reeks of a kid who thinks she's really gotten the better of someone.

    According to redditor TheItalianChamp, who posted this photo, the teacher in question does actually teach English. In general, if the person making use of homophonic wordplay is your English teacher, even if you're the kind of person who can never let anything slide, leave it alone. They did it on purpose, and they will not only grade your sign harshly, they'll still be responsible for grading your papers in the future, and will probably not be so lenient about taking off points for a missing comma in the future.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • Little girl has best possible answer to mom asking her what she wants to be when she grows up.

    posted yesterday

    Ava has never considered all the baked goods she could be before.

    Little Ava is something of a Vine star. She's blunt, adorable, and not afraid to mug for the camera (in fact, with all the Vines of her cute little face out there, you start to wonder if her mom might be trying to launch a career outside the Internet). She also has a wisdom beyond her years. For example, even though Ava's only three, she's already identified the best job in the world. Think of all that frosting!

    (by Shira Rachel Danan)

  • Is this the most horrifying Easter Bunny costume in history?

    posted yesterday

    MMMmmm you children look like tasty little pink carrots.

    Why can't we go back to a simpler time in America, when holidays were focused on Jesus and kids knew that if you sinned the Easter Bunny would take your soul and store it in a colorful egg for his collection? 

    We thought we had harvested the Internet's entire supply of creepy anthropomorphic rabbits with our list of 27 of the most terrifying Easter Bunnies to ever make a small child cry, but once again the odd denizens of reddit proved us wrong.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • The first promo for the Fake Prince Harry dating show is here and it looks just as dumb as you'd hope.

    posted 04/17/2014

    The Prince of Fails. (Fox)

    The first promo for Fox TV's upcoming masterpiece I Want to Marry Harry is here and it looks as though the The STD Network may have a smash hit on their hands. A while back, an executive at Fox must have asked his colleagues, "Do you think we could find 12 women dumb enough to not only fall for the Joe Millionaire prank, but believe they actually have a shot with the Prince of Wales?" When they all finished laughing and drying their eyes, the heartless bastards set out to cast a dozen gold-digging idiots, then put them on a plane and explained who Prince Harry was and that England is the country where people talk funny.

    Based on the promo, it looks like Fox has gone back to the winning EFITS formula: "Elegance," fighting, idiots, tears and stupidity. 

    Now all Fox has to do is find several million people dumb enough to waste thirteen hours or so of their lives watching this garbage. (Hand raised and waving) I'm in!

    (by Jonathan Corbett)

    [ Via HyperVocal ]