There've been numerous, probing studies over the past few weeks into the behaviors of introverts and extroverts. So many that it might seem the blogiverse is trying to split the human race into two factions, pitting vert against spiteful vert, until these two social sects wipe each other out leaving the blogs free to mate their listicles and repopulate.
But what of those who fell through the cracks, the in-betweens, the people who could lay no claim to either vert? In other words, what about the vast majority of humanity? Where's the list of easily applicable social behaviors for them? Fear not, brave, average creature. For below are the 15 SIGNS YOU'RE NEITHER AN INTROVERT NOR AN EXTROVERT, YOU'RE JUST A HUMAN BEING WITH LARGELY THE SAME RESPONSES TO SOCIAL SITUATIONS AS EVERYONE ELSE.
1. You don’t feel one way or another about parties, except maybe modestly appreciative that someone was nice enough to invite you.
2. When you’ve been out socializing for a while, you sometimes like to go home and be by yourself for a comparable amount of time because you’re a fucking human being who occasionally enjoys her privacy.
3. When houseguests stay with you, you’re happy to have the company if the guests are people you like, but it can be hard to play the host role after a while. That’s what it’s like to have houseguests. Hardly anyone on the planet feels differently on this issue.
4. When people ask you to hang out, you weigh the advantages of a night out with friends with the desire to spend some time alone. Your decision as to whether to accept the invitation depends on which option you’d prefer at that moment. This isn’t that hard to understand.
5. In a group setting, you often talk less because there are more people participating in the conversation. So everyone needs to talk less if everyone’s going to get a chance to speak, for God’s sake.
6. There are times when you’d like to hang out with people, but when you make some inquiries, no one is available. You find this disappointing, but you move on with life because it’s not that big a deal. Who would think it’s that big a deal? Besides childish monster-people? No one.
7. Occasionally you get a little too excited to hang out with a new friend, then you pick up on their social cues and you tone it down a bit because you function relatively normally in social relationships.
8. When the phone rings, your first thought is: that must be my mom, because no one else actually makes phone calls anymore. Maybe you answer, maybe you don’t. You talk to her plenty.
9. You really like reading books, because you’re not a stultifying moron.
10. You don’t really give a shit if someone interrupts you when you were busy thinking about something in your own head. Maybe they wanted to say, “Hello, Kelly. Nice to see you.” Or, “There’s a fire. You need to run if you want to live.” What’s so special about your own thoughts anyway? Most people’s thoughts are, “Why do I have to go to the bathroom again?” Oooh, riveting! Christ.
11. You find it easier to express yourself in an email than in person, as does everyone with access to the Internet. You get to draft and redraft your thoughts before sharing them. Of course that’s easier.
12. Sometimes you don’t mind being the center of attention, especially if you are telling a story that you would like people to hear or when you’re performing a modern dance recital that people paid to see. Other times, you just talk to people and you listen to them. It’s called having a conversation.
13. Occasionally you’ll make a fool of yourself and it will be mildly embarrassing. It happens. People drink.
14. Sometimes you like hanging out one-on-one and sometimes you prefer to hang out in groups. It depends if you haven’t seen the person in a long time and have a lot of catching up to do. Or maybe you just don’t want to spend a lot of money at a bar. That’s pretty standard human behavior.
15. You really don’t think your particular social behaviors are interesting enough to fill a whole article.