"You didn't mention I loved cats, you ungrateful little bastards!!!" (screenshot via Gawker)

I wish there was a gymnasium full of children I could read this letter to so they could all go "Oooooooooooooh!" like someone stood up to a teacher, except times a billion. Need another reason not to abuse your kids besides human decency, the knowledge that they might end up as f*cked up as you are, restraining orders, jail time and eternal damnation (I don't know if I believe in that, but I'm sure I could make an exception just to include those people)? Well, if that's not enough to stop you, you must be a self-centered dingleberry of a person, so let me appeal to that: they will outlive you (unless you decide to go for the gold when it comes to child abuse), and they will make sure that your name is ruined in such a way that people feel the need to add a f*cking asterisk when they write it. 

The original obituary in the Reno Gazette-Journal has been taken down, according to Gawker, and they claim it wasn't approved by editors but submitted through the user-submission part of the site. Why they would have thought they'd be in trouble for printing it is beyone me, when it might encourage people to go to sites like preventchildabuse.org.

Anyway, here's some videos of a nice comedian dad who recorded his conversations with his 2-year-old daughter and had grown men reenact them. 

Sources: Gawker