5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 2, 2014
1. Hide Any Punchable Faces, People! Chris Brown Is Back On The Streets!
R&B singer Chris Brown was released from a Los Angeles County jail this morning. As of press time, he has not yet been re-arrested and returned to incarceration.
Chris Brown is finally free to get arrested again.— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) June 2, 2014
2. CEOs Only Made A Paltry 331 Times As Much As Their Workers Last Year, So Some Downsizing May Be Required
According to a report from the AFL-CIO, corporate CEOs earned about 331 times as much money as an average worker for their company, which, if you think about it, is kind of absurd. Their suits alone are at least 500 times as expensive. And don't even get me started on how much more it costs for upkeep on their luxury yachts. We've really got to get that number up a bit higher.
I love the part of Undercover Boss where the CEO gives some poor schlub .0000000000067% of his salary.— Geoffrey Haggerty (@geoffhaggerty) February 1, 2014
3. Miley Cyrus Has Been Robbed By Burglars With Tacky Taste In Cars And Jewelry
The Los Angeles Police Department is currently on the look out for a man and woman with cheesy taste in sports cars and an appreciation for unpleasantly flashy necklaces and rings. The couple are believed to have broken into the San Fernando Valley home of pop singer Miley Cyrus last night and made off with a bunch of her jewelry and her Maserati.
It's weird to think that someone alive right now will grow up to be the first person in history to not be embarrassed for Miley Cyrus— Eddie Brawley (@ebrawley) May 19, 2014
4. Pirate Bay Co-Founder Arrested For Getting You All Those 'Game Of Thrones' Episodes You Were Looking For
After several years of eluding authorities, Peter Sunde—the co-founder of the Pirate Bay peer-to-peer file sharing engine—was arrested in Southern Sweden on Saturday. Ironically, this happened to be the 8th annual Pirate Independence Day. He's only serving eight months of jail time, so he should be back on the streets in time for the 9th one.
Which do you think will force the bigger internet riot: mass unconstitutional spying, or taking away Pirate Bay? https://t.co/Tc6UOw9NLT— Brian Brushwood (@shwood) January 11, 2014
5. Watch John Oliver Explain Net Neutrality While Your Cable Company Still Lets You
For anybody who's still having a hard time wrapping their heads around why the net neutrality debate is so important (which is most people), John Oliver dedicated a nice big chunk of Friday's episode of his HBO show Last Week With John Oliver to explain it. "The point is," he said, "the internet in its current form is not broken, and the FCC is currently taking steps to fix that."
Now that I know how much net neutrality is hurting gigantic media conglomerates, I just can't enjoy the internet anymore.— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) May 16, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)