1. Washington Redskins Learn That Racist Team Names Can't Be Trademarked

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has decided to revoke the racist trademark for the Washington Redskins due to the fact that the football team’s racist brand is "disparaging to Native Americans." The team, however, remains free to keep their racist name and logo in the absence of a trademark. They'll just have to share it with the world.


2. Emma Stone And Andrew Garfield Trick Paparazzi Into Not Being A Complete Force For Evil

Adorable celebrity couple Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield have figured out a way to make people think they're even more adorable: They've started covering their faces with the web urls of charitable organizations when being photographed by paparazzi, thus forcing the misery-spreading photographers to choose between a 7,567,345th snapshot of the couple and promoting something non-soul-crushingly awful.


3. Kanye West Spent His Honeymoon Obsessing Over The Color Balance On His Wedding Photo Because He's Got His Priorities In Order

After Annie Leibovitz decided against photographing Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding last month—because, according to the groom, "she was, like, scared of the idea of celebrity"—West was forced to spend several days of his honeymoon color-correcting the wedding photos himself so that his new wife could have a perfect image to post on Instagram. “Because Annie pulled out, I was like, ‘Okay, I still want my wedding photos to look like Annie Leibovitz,’ and we sat there and worked on that photo for, like, four days because the flowers were off-color," West explained like a normal human.


4. Donald Trump Classes Up The Chicago Skyline With Giant Tribute To Himself

Double-win for Donald Trump! First he got to piss off an entire major metropolitan city when he had his name erected onto the side of his new skyscraper in 20-foot letters in Chicago. And then he got to go on TV and complain about the people complaining about it. He must be feeling on top of the world this week.


5. California Politician Resigns Over Literal Poo Flinging

The mayor of San Marino, California has resigned from office after a security camera caught footage of him throwing a bag of dog poop into the driveway of a neighbor with whom he shared long-standing political disagreements. No word yet on which 2016 presidential campaign he'll be joining as senior strategist.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)