5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 10, 2014
1. Donald Sterling Went Back To Not Wanting To Sell The Clippers, Will Probably Agree To Sell Again Tomorrow
After initially saying he'd fight the sale of the LA Clippers, followed by a brief period of agreeing to sell the Clippers, Donald Sterling has reportedly decided not to sell the Clippers again, and he plans to sue the NBA for $1 billion. It's assumed that throughout this roller coaster ride of intentions, Sterling has remained a consistently unappealing person.
"Donald Sterling: No Clippers deal: 'I intend to fight.'" Oh, Donald Sterling, I'm starting to question your character.
— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) June 10, 2014
2. Time Warner Might Be About To Buy Vice Media In Effort To Get A Piece Of That "Dennis Rodman Being Shipped To Horrible Places" Goldmine
Time Warner is reportedly in talks to buy Vice Media, the conglomerate behind Vice Magazine, a record label, and the HBO series that sent Dennis Rodman to North Korea. Valued at $2.2 billion, Vice could be given the HLN network in the deal, which would probably be turned into a 24 hour live feed of Rodman drunkenly greeting squat dictators around the globe.
I like that episode of VICE where a fedora with HPV investigates corruption in the Philippines.
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) May 7, 2014
3. Hillary Clinton Says Upon Leaving The White House, Her Family Was "Dead Broke" And In Debt, Just Like Us!
Perhaps in an effort to relate to the average American, Hillary Clinton said in an interview with ABC that in 2001, she and her family were "dead broke" and in debt for millions of dollars due to legal fees incurred from the countless investigations while her husband served as president. Thanks to fees earned from speaking appearances, they were out of debt by 2004. One hopes she's saved enough money to cover the legal fees she'll incur should she win the presidency in 2016.
Karl Rove asking why Hillary Clinton refuses to address the role she played in the disappearance of Casey Kasem.
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) May 15, 2014
4. Netflix Will Continue To Tell You When Your Provider Sucks
Despite Verizon's "cease and desist" order, Netflix says they will continue to alert users when their Internet provider is to blame for poor streaming quality with messages that read "The Verizon network is too crowded right now." If they end up having to drop the specific name of the provider, perhaps they could rewrite the message to read, "Old media is refusing to simply die already. Adjusting for smoother playback while we slowly destroy all cable companies."
Now available on Netflix Instant: flossing doc, Peter Gallagher biopic, 3 eps of British (?) tv mystery, footage of neighbor's water birth.
— Fran Gillespie (@FranGillespie) June 10, 2014
5. Kourtney Kardashian Continues To Terrorize The Hamptons, This Time By Tipping Poorly
Snobby rich Hamptonites continue to fume that the Kardashians aren't the right kind of gross wealthy people for their vacation oasis after Kourtney failed to tip for a comped lunch. Others reportedly complained that diners at a restaurant where Kourtney had dinner were asked to sign releases for their inevitable appearance on the E! network after having briefly entered the orbit of a Kardashian. It's assumed these clashes will continue all summer until the Hamptons is leveled in a full-on riot between old money and E! money.
If you told me Kourtney Kardashian didn't know how to read I'd totally believe you.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 13, 2013