1. Brazil Suffers Its Greatest Loss Since Nerdy, White People Stole Samba Music

It's bad enough that Brazil had to suffer a humiliating 7-1 defeat at the hands of Germany in yesterday's semi-final World Cup game, one that sent its fans into ululating fits of unimaginable despair. But now, as it turns out, that game has become the most talked about sporting event in the history of Twitter. But, on the plus side, the World Cup host nation did manage to deliver an historic tournament.


2. Rosie O'Donnell To Replace Jenny McCarthy As Resident Annoying Conspiracy Theorist On 'The View'

ABC has announced that it will be replacing the foul-mouthed vaccine-conspiracy theorist and former MTV host Jenny McCarthy with the loud-mouthed 9/11-conspiracy theorist and former VH1 host Rosie O'Donnell on The View.


3. Sarah Palin Calls For Obama's Impeachment — Or, Failing That, Your Attention

In an op-ed for Breitbart.com, half-term Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has demanded that U.S. Congress begin the process of removing President Obama from office. "It’s time to impeach; and on behalf of American workers and legal immigrants of all backgrounds, we should vehemently oppose any politician on the left or right who would hesitate in voting for articles of impeachment."


4. J.K. Rowling Releases Her Own 'Harry Potter' Fan Fiction

Best-selling fantasy author J.K. Rowling recently published a new story in which her iconic character Harry Potter is a thirty-something guy with a regular job who's still obsessed with wizard stuff. It's kind of the perfect story for Rowling's fan base.


5. Study: You're Not Fat Because You Ate A Whole Jar Of Mayonnaise —You're Fat Because You Used A Hoveround To Get It

According to a new study, Americans aren't ingesting any more calories than they were twenty years ago. Increased obesity rates instead can likely be blamed on the fact that most of us wouldn't exercise if our lives depended on it. Which it kind of does.  


(by Dennis DiClaudio)