Um, they sure look like dudes to me.

Another day, another bigoted restaurant proudly standing up for a-holes everywhere. Colin Dewberry and his partner Kelly Williams decided to dine out at Big Earl's Restaurant in Pittsburg, TX, and apparently enjoyed their meal before having it horribly soured on their way out the door. As they were leaving, their waitress approached them and reportedly said, "Here at Big Earl's, we like men to act like men and ladies to act like ladies, so we want you to never return," adding "we don't serve fags here." 

If there's any bright side to this depressing (and depressingly familiar) tale, it's that Big Earl's Yelp page has now become a repository for queertastic reviews (much like what happened to Gary's Chicaros in Oklahoma).

The couple, who have lived in East Texas their whole lives, said they had never had that word flung at them in their entire time there. "We've never had that kind of hate displayed to us before," said Dewberry, "It was just so nonchalantly, almost like she was reading a piece of paper."

That's because she was. The "policy" of requiring men and women to adhere to some unclear definition of traditional roles is posted on Big Earl's door word for word (minus the "so we want you never to return" and "we don't serve fags here"), and has been since the restaurant opened.

East Texas' KLTV got in contact with the Big Man himself, and Earl calmly explained that this was all a big misunderstanding. They weren't kicked out for being gay. They were kicked out for not acting like men, because they were "touching legs." Not that Big Earl actually saw it. "I didn't go over there to see what they were rubbing. That's not appropriate in a family restaurant that has a sign on the door," he argued

Pretty much exactly as you'd picture it.

As for the waitress, it turns out she's his daughter(!), and it's not her fault, really, as Earl explained on Facebook:

When your defense of your bigoted employee/daughter and store policy boils down to "She didn't say 'we don't serve fags here,' she only said 'we do not like fags,'" you've already lost. Not that you'd realize that, since you are already lost in a world of self-delusion where you should be patted on the back for unhappily serving gay couples as long as they don't bump legs or do anything that seems a little queer. 

Earl said he had surveillance footage of Dewberry and Williams harassing his daughter (we all know how gay people love to taunt Texans by, you know, existing), although he declined KLTV's request to let them see it and at least verify that such footage exists. 

Asked what exactly acting like a man means, Earl elaborated: "A man's supposed to stand up and be a leader. He's not supposed to be a woman. He's not supposed to come in here in a dress." 

Aside from the fact that neither Dewberry nor Williams have vaginas or wore dresses (two things I generally think of as positives in the world), and the fact that I see women standing up and speaking out against things a lot more than I see men doing it these days, I'd like to thank them for fulfilling that first part of Earl's manliness definition. They could have meekly left and hoped that one day things would change. They didn't. That's being a man, and a person.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Sources: KLTV | Gawker | Yelp