Martha Stewart Bird Decorative Boxes

Maybe instead of a lady you could blast your gunk into this bird, this bird hand-hewn by Martha Stewart to hold your gunk. put your'e. Gunk in th bbird :))

Some Advertising


Purple Ice Cream For Jesus Onesie

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for adorable ways to share our faith!" says the product description, but the limp copy can't even begin to evoke the harmonized howls of erotic ecstasy you and your partner will share as you hammer away at each other, safe in the knowledge that this onesie, rolled into a tight knot of prophylactic protection and jammed up a uterus, will whisk any stray dribbles of "ice cream" away to Jesus Christ himself. I think! I'm not a doctor, I'm just Daniel!


Batter Baby / Batter Daddy

The Batter Baby is a little plastic cupcake-shaped plank for making cupcakes two different colors, but it's also a little plastic cupcake-shaped plank for not getting pregnant and looking adorable doing it. The way it works is, it's a plastic plank. If you're worried about a splatter zone (I'm looking at you, Shamu!), there's the Batter Daddy, a big plastic plank for making cakes two different colors. It works along the similar principle of being a big plastic plank. Perfect for those who are very dumb.


Balance Bird

Yeah, good luck getting each other off when this bird is in play. It can balance on almost anything. How much can you balance on? You probably can't even balance your checkbook! Why would you think you deserve to make love when you can't even muster a shred of fiscal responsibility?! You're a burden on your partner and your family! A waste of space! Feel that negativity? That's what the bird's for. Just watch the bird and let it all fade away. Ah... serenity.

(Follow Dan Abromowitz on Twitter)