That booze says it wants to settle down, but it might bolt at any second. (via)
Going home for the holidays is great—as long as you're currently beating your siblings at life. When you're a few major life milestones behind, however, it's best to bring your friend booze along (or, as of Jan. 1 in CO and WA, your smoke) for moral support. When your brothers and sisters first got married, it was cool because it just meant you got new brothers and sisters to hang out with at holidays, who were perhaps not as lame as your real siblings. It meant more adults your age to drink with and complain about work. Then they had kids, and suddenly your complaints weren't that impressive anymore. They were trying harder at work (to combat the terror of having their kid starve, but you don't know that) and suddenly instead of your mom asking why you can't be more like Brett, Kevin, or Sara, she's asking you why you can't be more like Brett & Linda, Kevin & Mary, or Sara & Tyler.
Beer doesn't make us feel bad about not reaching our life goals. In fact, that's pretty much exactly why it was invented.
(by Johnny McNulty)
Sources: redditor gravity1983