Jehovah's Witnesses will be lightly maimed.

It's bad enough that radio and TV are being broadcast from horrifying parallel fact-free universes and that your "social networks" have become a slaughterhouse of fights, dumb opinions, and fights about dumb opinions. Now these "campaign workers" claiming to be "ordinary citizens who care" think their free speech rights extend to your doorstep. Fortunately, unlike the airwaves or the Internet, campaign workers actually notice the subtle cock of a shotgun behind the door.

Sources: College Humor blog