My dearest, darling, douchebag... (Via Aaron Rush)

Aaron Rush is a poor student with a working printer, and he wants his douchebag bike back, douchebag. 

According to an interview with BuzzFeed, he'd had his douchebag bike stolen from a train station a couple miles from where he works in King's Langley, England. In lieu of going the traditional route of calling the cops, Rush posted this note he left for the douchebag bike thief, along with this description on his Instagram page, "My bike got #stolen from work, insurance should cover it, but I figured I'd try getting it back first..." 

He's going rogue. 

As the note states, this was not his first time getting ripped off by a douchebag, and instead of investing in bigger and bigger locks or an ACME booby trap, he inserted a tracking device into the frame of his Giant douchebag bike. Now he's holding the douchebag bike thief's home location as ransom until his douchebag bike is returned. Of course, as with any good ultimatum, there is a time limit of one week before he involves Prince Harry (he is, after all, her majesty's "finest").

Unfortunately, despite the attempt to outwit the villain, BuzzFeed reports that even though the douchebag bike thief was a douchebag, he was not a dumbass, and was able to disable the tracker. It will also take about four weeks to get the douchebag's image from the cameras so, in all likelihood, that bike is gone, and so is that bag of douche. 

Good thing he has insurance. 

(by Myka Fox)