There is no penis visible, but it is a guy masturbating. In case the boss asks.

It's the kind of crime spree that could only terrorize a nation much more peaceful than ours: a man is surreptitiously sneaking up on bicyles, slashing their tires, and then masturbating onto the tires as they deflate. In particular, he's been stalking the bicycle of Swedish cyclist Per Edstrom, who set up a webcam to catch the culprit after finding one too many violated bikes in the morning. Now, cops are on the lookout for a guy... who masturbates on bicyles. Though, presumably, his face isn't blurred on the police version of the tape.

Weirdly enough, as we typed this article, we kind of almost got maybe why he finds slowly-deflating bike tires kind of sexy. They start off all bulbous and full of air, and then they relax, like a snake...that's deflating. OK, we don't really get it. You'd probably have to be Scandinavian, since, as we all know, they're all really weird perverts.

Sources: Gawker | New York Daily News