Have sex with me and you could have days of shelter. Days!

 


I'm really horny and need a ride to the airport. Thanks.

 



Go with this guy. He's the only one who's actually interested in you living.

 

Updated 9/3/13:


Okay, but I get to be the big spoon.

 


She already evicted me!

 



Define "basic cuddling." Does that include nose nuzzling? I draw the line at nose nuzzling.



"Mature" means you can't make fart sounds every time you see his bare ass.

 


So it's either rape or murder but you can't do both. Don't be a greedy roommate!

Sources: Torontoist | Blame It On The Voices | Lauren B. | Tiffany J. | Redditor WhoDah