Updated 10/3/13:

Amenities include use of the anti-bacterial footbath.


There was one misprint in the ad. Not sure how "no sex" got in there. Damn typos.


I just require the incomparable cooking and cleaning skills or a stripper or escort.


Have sex with me and you could have days of shelter. Days!


I'm really horny and need a ride to the airport. Thanks.


Go with this guy. He's the only one who's actually interested in you living.


Updated 9/3/13:

Okay, but I get to be the big spoon.

Sources: Torontoist | Blame It On The Voices | Lauren B. | Tiffany J. | Redditor WhoDah