Updated 10/3/13:


Amenities include use of the anti-bacterial footbath.

 



There was one misprint in the ad. Not sure how "no sex" got in there. Damn typos.

 



I just require the incomparable cooking and cleaning skills or a stripper or escort.

 


Have sex with me and you could have days of shelter. Days!

 


I'm really horny and need a ride to the airport. Thanks.

 



Go with this guy. He's the only one who's actually interested in you living.

 

Updated 9/3/13:


Okay, but I get to be the big spoon.

Sources: Torontoist | Blame It On The Voices | Lauren B. | Tiffany J. | Redditor WhoDah