Jesus, Mike, you can't switch it up with some vitriol about the NSA? Or some Twerking commentary? 

Hopefully, Syria follows through on its surrender of chemical weapons, or the diaspora of roommates from Mike's apartment will be never-ending.

Author revealed: The post was reportedly written by comedian Andy Bankin. No word on if it's fiction, or if there really is a Mike. However, it has been verified that there are in fact rising tensions over Syria's use of chemical weapons on its own people.

Sources: Craigslist