HappyPlace http://happyplace.someecards.com Latest posts from HappyPlace en-us Fri, 18 Apr 2014 01:39:15 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss feedback@happyplace.com http://static.happyplace.com/site/bh/images/hp_logo_plain.png HappyPlace Logo http://happyplace.someecards.com 222 47 30 Copyright 2014 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 <![CDATA[The first promo for the Fake Prince Harry dating show is here and it looks just as dumb as you'd hope.]]>
The Prince of Fails. (Fox)

The first promo for Fox TV's upcoming masterpiece I Want to Marry Harry is here and it looks as though the The STD Network may have a smash hit on their hands. A while back, an executive at Fox must have asked his colleagues, "Do you think we could find 12 women dumb enough to not only fall for the Joe Millionaire prank, but believe they actually have a shot with the Prince of Wales?" When they all finished laughing and drying their eyes, the heartless bastards set out to cast a dozen gold-digging idiots, then put them on a plane and explained who Prince Harry was and that England is the country where people talk funny.

Based on the promo, it looks like Fox has gone back to the winning EFITS formula: "Elegance," fighting, idiots, tears and stupidity. 

Now all Fox has to do is find several million people dumb enough to waste thirteen hours or so of their lives watching this garbage. (Hand raised and waving) I'm in!

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 19:20:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30705/first-promo-for-fake-prince-harry-dating-show http://happyplace.someecards.com/30705/first-promo-for-fake-prince-harry-dating-show
<![CDATA[Professor suspended because his young daughter wore a 'Game of Thrones' t-shirt deemed "threatening."]]>
To be fair, Daenerys Targaryen is a threat to a lot of people. They just don't know it yet.

This is a picture that Bergen Community College professor Francis Schmidt took of his daughter doing yoga in a Game of Thrones t-shirt (although by the looks of it, it's practically a dress for her). The professor of arts and animation at the Bergen County, NJ school posted the image to Google+, where it was seen (unlike most Google+ posts) by several of his friends and coworkers. One of those co-workers happened to be Jim Miller, executive director of human resources. Determined to live up to every stereotype of human resources directors, Mr. Miller immediately summoned Professor Schmidt and two of his colleagues to discuss this "threatening email."

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:50:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30702/professor-suspended-because-his-young-daughter-wore-a-game-of-thrones-t-shirt-deemed-threatening http://happyplace.someecards.com/30702/professor-suspended-because-his-young-daughter-wore-a-game-of-thrones-t-shirt-deemed-threatening
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Los Angeles is the guy who buys a 500 dollar watch when he owes you 400 dollars. - @bazecraze]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:21:31 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30704/angeles-buys-dollar-watch-owes-dollars http://happyplace.someecards.com/30704/angeles-buys-dollar-watch-owes-dollars <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: BREAKING: House Republicans demand hearings to determine what Chelsea Clinton's baby knows about Benghazi - @RexHuppke]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:19:27 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30703/breaking-house-republicans-demand-hearings-determine-chelsea-clintons http://happyplace.someecards.com/30703/breaking-house-republicans-demand-hearings-determine-chelsea-clintons <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: My Child Made Honor Roll Mostly As A Coping Mechanism To Deal With Our Constant Fighting - @YUCKYBOT]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:34:06 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30701/child-made-honor-roll-mostly-coping-mechanism-deal http://happyplace.someecards.com/30701/child-made-honor-roll-mostly-coping-mechanism-deal <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I'm gonna go twirl every woman in a sundress. - @Ty_Schutz]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:33:25 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30700/gonna-twirl-every-woman-sundress http://happyplace.someecards.com/30700/gonna-twirl-every-woman-sundress <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: What's the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I'm that. - @capricecrane]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:29:49 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30699/whats-opposite-wanting-hear-about-doing-crossfit http://happyplace.someecards.com/30699/whats-opposite-wanting-hear-about-doing-crossfit <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Slut shaming is terrible. Unless you're a lady in a country song, because I want to hear all about the citified devil hooker after your man. - @BoobsRadley]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:28:48 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30698/slut-shaming-terrible-unless-lady-country-song-because http://happyplace.someecards.com/30698/slut-shaming-terrible-unless-lady-country-song-because <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Please stop calling it The Last Supper. Some of us haven't read that far yet and don't want spoilers. - @badbanana]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:25:36 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30697/please-stop-calling-last-supper-some-havent-read http://happyplace.someecards.com/30697/please-stop-calling-last-supper-some-havent-read <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I hate how every girl named "Sussudio" goes crazy when the song "Sussudio" plays. - @juliussharpe]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:23:01 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30696/hate-every-girl-named-sussudio-goes-crazy-song http://happyplace.someecards.com/30696/hate-every-girl-named-sussudio-goes-crazy-song <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Paid 2 stuntmen to dress like FROZEN characters and let me hit them with my car in front of this elementary school for 6 hours - @robhuebel]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:17:46 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30694/paid-stuntmen-dress-frozen-characters-them-front-elementary http://happyplace.someecards.com/30694/paid-stuntmen-dress-frozen-characters-them-front-elementary <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: America: Love It Or Leave It Or Try Unsuccessfully To Downshift Into Just Like A Hook-Up Buddies Thing - @DCpierson]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:17:04 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30693/america-love-leave-unsuccessfully-downshift-into-just-like http://happyplace.someecards.com/30693/america-love-leave-unsuccessfully-downshift-into-just-like <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it's okay if they put the receipt in my bag. - @kevinseccia]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:16:16 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30692/meet-whose-complaint-cashiers-asking-okay-they-receipt http://happyplace.someecards.com/30692/meet-whose-complaint-cashiers-asking-okay-they-receipt <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Appears as though my church doesn't like the twist ending I wrote for the Easter Pageant. - @Crutnacker]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:14:22 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30690/appears-though-church-doesnt-twist-ending-wrote-easter http://happyplace.someecards.com/30690/appears-though-church-doesnt-twist-ending-wrote-easter <![CDATA[Man faces federal charges for mistakenly thinking there were free refills on his soda.]]>
For $525, I hope they still let him keep the cup.

Christopher Lewis, a construction worker from North Charleston, South Carolina was in the VA Medical Center cafeteria in downtown Charleston for his lunch break when he was arrested for "theft of government property" totalling 89¢. "As I was filling my cup up, I turned to walk off and a fella grabbed me by the arm and asked me was I gonna pay for that, and I told him I wasn't aware I had to pay for that," said Lewis. According to the hospital, the cafeteria is full of signs stating the refill policy, and the officer claims Lewis has done this multiple times without paying (although Lewis readily admitted to that).

lf a federal officer asks you if you're going to pay for that, say yes.

He tried to pay then and there, but it was too late. He was taken to a room, issued a ticket for $525 and told never to come back. He's now out of a job. "I'm done there, at the VA hospital," Lewis lamented, "I'm not allowed to go on the premises anymore. I asked him can I still work on the job site and just bring my lunch and not go to the cafeteria, and he said he wanted me off the premises." A hospital spokesperson later claimed he had become aggressive during the interaction. Lewis has contacted the Internal Affairs Office in Columbia, SC and plans to fight the fine in federal court.

In conclusion, don't try to sneak in a free refill when there are both federal officers and signs posted. Not everywhere works like a rest stop Sbarro's.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:06:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30688/man-faces-federal-charges-for-mistakenly-thinking-there-were-free-refills-on-soda http://happyplace.someecards.com/30688/man-faces-federal-charges-for-mistakenly-thinking-there-were-free-refills-on-soda
<![CDATA[This family's 'Summertime Is Great' music video is so bad it's great.]]>

"Hmmm... We need a word that rhymes with 'great' that is also a synonym for 'great'?"

Vapid, hackneyed lyrics. Cloyingly upbeat delivery. Uncomfortable, awkward screen presences. Absurdly bad production value. Overall unapologetic corniness. Any of these things alone could be enough to ruin a music video. So, you'd think that piling all of them together would make for a really awful viewing experience. But somehow it doesn't. Somehow, it creates something amazing. I'm not exactly sure how that works. It's like a strange form of mawkish alchemy. All I know is watched it five times already.

The three disturbingly happy people responsible for "Summertime Is Fun" are the Sturm family, or Three Beat Slide as they're known professionally. And I mean "professionally" in the loosest sense of the word. I really don't know much about them or the story behind this incredible piece of outsider art. I did find this interview with them, but unfortunately I don't speak Spanish. Though apparently they do. Quite fluently: 

El verano es genial!

I'm sure that one day we'll find out more about this family, but I kind of don't want to. I don't want the mystery to die. Plus, I'm kind of worried that Jimmy Kimmel might be hiding behind Papa Sturm's motorcycle. 

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 15:59:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30686/summertime-is-great-music-video-is-terribly-awesome http://happyplace.someecards.com/30686/summertime-is-great-music-video-is-terribly-awesome
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time? - @jasonmustian]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 15:52:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30689/dumb-family-doubtfire-fool-them-second-time http://happyplace.someecards.com/30689/dumb-family-doubtfire-fool-them-second-time <![CDATA[This man came up with an ingenious way to keep his dog from escaping through a broken fence.]]>
Upright and in control. (via)

Texas redditor mikerathbun had a problem; his fence was broken and he needed to find a way to prevent his dog from escaping while the cement keeping a new post up was drying, which was going to take a while. That's when he realized that only one thing scared the dog enough to keep him far away from the new escape route - the dreaded Dyson DC24. 

The cement dried, the repairs were made, and mikerathbun still has a dog. What's surprising is that he still has a vacuum.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 15:50:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30687/man-finds-ingenious-way-to-keep-dog-in-yard http://happyplace.someecards.com/30687/man-finds-ingenious-way-to-keep-dog-in-yard
<![CDATA[The captain of an adult kickball team sent an email to all the men on the team with a warning not to have sex with female teammates.]]>
Don't screw where you kick balls, as the saying goes. (file photo)

People do co-ed adult sports to meet people, specifically people of the opposite sex (people do everything to meet people of the opposite sex). But one kickball team captain is asking his dude players to refrain from making a move on the lady players—at least for the first five weeks of the season—in this email obtained by Deadspin.

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 15:33:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30685/kickball-captain-tells-male-teammates-not-to-sleep-with-female-ones http://happyplace.someecards.com/30685/kickball-captain-tells-male-teammates-not-to-sleep-with-female-ones
<![CDATA[A restaurant has an upside down penis for a logo. Some balls.]]>
"Waiter, there's a cock and balls in the window." (via)

The Market Place & Cafe in Ballston, Virginia has a cock and a pair of balls for a logo. There's just no getting around that. If you look at their logo and see a "Mustachioed figure wearing a tall chef's hat," there is something wrong with you. A nun would look at that and say "What's with the cock and balls?" The restaurant's window has been a local attraction for years, which would be a huge plus if you were in the business of selling dildos or gay porn, but less so when you're serving soup and sandwiches.

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 14:19:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30682/restaurants-logo-is-an-upside-down-penis http://happyplace.someecards.com/30682/restaurants-logo-is-an-upside-down-penis
<![CDATA[The most adorable baby crucifixion you'll ever see.]]>
Aw, the messiah has such a cute little tummy!

The photo above, from a Brazilian school's Holy Week celebration, is creating waves on Facebook because of the portrayal of Jesus on the cross by a very young child. His costume, complete with cross, crown of thorns, and fake bloody wounds, is offensive to many, who don't think these kids are old enough to appreciate the significance of the story. (See our Parenting section for "10 Sure Signs Your Child Is Old Enough To Play The Savior Of Mankind.") Meanwhile, others worry that acting out the violent events of the story may traumatize kids.

The obvious objection to this photo is that all the kids are going to want to play Romans instead of Jesus. Come on. Would you rather be some guy who has to hold his arms up for a really long time and pretend to be sleeping while basically wearing a diaper, or would you rather get a sweet headdress and a paper whip? 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 14:19:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30681/brazilian-kid-plays-role-of-christ-on-crucifix-with-thorns-blood-and-more http://happyplace.someecards.com/30681/brazilian-kid-plays-role-of-christ-on-crucifix-with-thorns-blood-and-more
<![CDATA[School's list of tips to prevent bullying looks like it was written by a panel of playground bullies.]]>

RULE #10: Learn that scars are cool, and that your bully is helping you get cooler. (via Jezebel)

The Lincoln Public Schools system is cowering in a corner and apologizing today after an onslaught of outrage from parents who were rightly ticked off about a ludicrous anti-bullying flier that basically recommends closing your eyes and going to a happy place (don't get me wrong: going to a happy place is usually a great idea). The fliers were sent home with fifth graders from Zeman Elementary in Lincoln, Nebraska to be shown to their parents.


Let's be honest, these two news anchors terrorized some dweebs in their day.

Every single detail of it is better—and by better I mean worse—than the last. The objective of the flier is to make kids better at "turning bullies into buddies." What follows reads like any abuser's personal wishlist of victim traits.

1. Refuse to get mad. "Anger is a feeling we have toward our enemies, not our buddies." "...if a bully finds out he/she can get you angry, you become their puppet..."

2. Treat the person who is being mean as if they are trying to help you. "No matter how insulting or mean they may sound, be grateful and think they really care about you." Hey dork, at least the cool kids are paying attention to you!

3. Do not be afraid. "If you are afraid...you automatically lose."

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 14:10:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30683/a-school-sent-home-a-flyer-full-of-terrible-advice-for-dealing-with-bullies http://happyplace.someecards.com/30683/a-school-sent-home-a-flyer-full-of-terrible-advice-for-dealing-with-bullies
<![CDATA[5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 17, 2014]]>

Chelsea Clinton begins her 2024 campaign, a bunch of bees took down a plane, Google continues its work to make the world more obnoxious, and more...

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 13:47:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30679/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-16-2014 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30679/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-16-2014
<![CDATA[Man arrested for drug possession cracks up the entire courtroom when they hear his last name.]]>
And is there a Mrs. Cocaine?

A Florida judge was taken aback when he learned the name of the Fort Lauderdale defendant brought before him for drug possession.

"My last name is Cocaine," Mr. Edward Cocaine said, which appeared to make Count Judge John Jay Hurley enjoy his job more than he has in years, based on the Sun-Sentinel video below.

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 13:30:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30684/man-with-last-name-cocaine-arrested-for-drugs-in-florida http://happyplace.someecards.com/30684/man-with-last-name-cocaine-arrested-for-drugs-in-florida
<![CDATA[Portland, OR throws out 38 million gallons of drinking water because 1 kid peed in the reservoir (meanwhile Californians are drinking toilet water).]]>

WARNING: Teens gone normal.

Portland, OR just emptied out 38 million gallons of drinking water because one 19-year-old took a whizz in the reservoir. He and several friends were caught in a park at 1 a.m. Wednesday, and the urinator was spotted by a camera doing his business through an iron fence (the most amazing fact: it's unclear whether he even reached the reservoir). What's more, two of his friends climbed the fence out of view of the camera, so let your mind run wild with the possibility of three teenagers doing what teenagers have been doing since reservoirs were created: peeing in a reservoir. The teen seen peeing was charged with public urination, and all three were charged with trespassing (while those other two just walked because apparently just being outside isn't a crime).

So, why flush the whole man-made lake over it? Because someone did it on purpose. "There is at least a perceived difference from my perspective," said Water Bureau Administrator David Schaff. "...Our customers don't anticipate drinking water that's been contaminated by some yahoo who decided to pee into a reservoir."

There it is, the majestic Mount Tabor reservoir, in a secluded location
several yards from Portland. 
(via Wikipedia)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 12:45:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30680/portland-or-throws-out-38-million-gallons-of-drinking-water-because-one-kid-peed-in-the-reservoir-meanwhile-californians-are-drinking-toilet-water http://happyplace.someecards.com/30680/portland-or-throws-out-38-million-gallons-of-drinking-water-because-one-kid-peed-in-the-reservoir-meanwhile-californians-are-drinking-toilet-water
<![CDATA[Curious dog meets cat's new kittens for the first time.]]>

"Kittens look delicious!"

What is it about interspecies friendships that is so utterly delightful? Maybe we all watch too much Animal Planet and deep down don't really expect animals to be gentle with each other. The fact that an elephant could befriend a dog is a nice reminder that the impulse to care for tiny soft creatures is just as deeply ingrained in our pets as we hope it is in us. You can't really go wrong with kittens and puppies caring for each other, but I'm holding out hope for video of a shark peering lovingly into a crate of baby llamas. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 11:43:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30678/dog-meets-kittens http://happyplace.someecards.com/30678/dog-meets-kittens
<![CDATA[8 ways to make Easter suck less.]]>

When it comes to the great Christmas versus Easter debate, Christmas wins every time. But it doesn't have to be that way. Here are 8 ways to make Easter less of a suckfest:

1) More presents. If we can make one holiday celebrating the redemption of humankind about buying stuff, surely we can do the same for a second. There are plenty of stuffed bunnies and crap-filled gift baskets in our stores, but I think we owe it to ourselves to do a better job of making Easter about rampant consumerism. Specifically, iPads. I'd definitely look forward to Easter if everyone got a new iPad.

2) Better food. Glazed ham has long been the signature food of Easter lunch, but as a nation, we're frankly sick of glazed ham. Why not Mexican food? An Easter taco bar sounds delicious, and what holiday wouldn't benefit from more guac and margs? (And don't be all like "hot cross buns," because you know those would never win in a fight with a plate of Christmas cookies.)

3) More neon. Pastels are for babies and country club moms.

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 10:29:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30666/8-ways-to-make-easter-suck-less http://happyplace.someecards.com/30666/8-ways-to-make-easter-suck-less
<![CDATA[6 new contenders for the single most enjoyable note ever written by a coworker.]]>
Thanks! How about an aisle traffic report? (via)

Adults are basically just children who've grown fat, watched their dreams die, and learned to shrink from confrontation. So it follows that the modern workplace is just as petty and territorial as your typical elementary school playground, except there's a lot less spitting and hair-pulling, and a lot more bitchy note-writing. The most successful workplace notes strive to entertain just as much as they impolitely advise and chastise, and the notes collected here are some of the best of the medium.

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 20:29:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/10430/the-most-enjoyably-cantankerous-notes-ever-posted-in-the-workplace http://happyplace.someecards.com/10430/the-most-enjoyably-cantankerous-notes-ever-posted-in-the-workplace
<![CDATA[Who wore it better: Dog or Baby?]]>
Grape-flavored Jawas. 

Grace Chon is a commercial dog photographer with an adorable 10-month-old baby boy named Jasper and a beautiful black 7-year-old rescue dog from Taiwan named Zoey. Obviously—I mean obviously—she's going to dress them up in matching outfits and photograph them for a Tumblr side project she created for the well-being of all humanity. Because of course!

Okay, so, that's all well and good. And, yes, she has given us lots of painfully cute pictures of a baby and a dog to look at. But it really leaves us holding the bag to have to decide which one of these two little monsters wears their fashion better in each picture. This is difficult stuff. I mean, look at that one up top. We have to choose which one of those two looks more delightful in a purple hoodie?! A purple hoodie!!! Fine! Let's do it. Jasper looks charmingly casual in his offset hood, but just look at Zoey's soulful eyes as she peers out from the shadows of her lavender cowl. 

Winner: Dog

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 20:08:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30676/baby-and-dog-wear-the-same-outfits http://happyplace.someecards.com/30676/baby-and-dog-wear-the-same-outfits
<![CDATA[Somebody leaked unretouched photos of Lady Gaga in which she looks like a normal boring human.]]>
"Make me look like a catatonic replicant."

Lady Gaga has a reputation to keep up. She may be a talented, boundary-pushing musician, but it's really her style that defines her in the public eye. She understands better than anybody that if people start seeing her walking around in dresses not made out of meat, or traveling by taxi instead of by giant translucent egg, then her mystique of grotesque elegance will sublimate away and she'll look less like the Queen of All Monsters than a privileged Italian princess from the Upper West Side.

So, I'm sure that when she signed on for an ad campaign for Versace last year, she specifically told the photography team something like, "Make me look like a deceased mannequin. No, not like an non-living mannequin. Like a mannequin that was brought to life but then died from erotic asphyxiation." You can see their handiwork in the picture up top. Nice work, actually. You can almost see the rigor mortis setting in.

That's why these newly leaked unretouched outtakes from that photoshoot—in which she looks like a normal, living human being who eats food and doesn't sleep in a tube of electrified ooze—have got to be pissing her off. She's probably all, like, "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-aaaaahhhhh!!!"

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 18:28:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30674/somebody-leaked-unretouched-outtakes-from-a-lady-gaga-photo-shoot-for-versace http://happyplace.someecards.com/30674/somebody-leaked-unretouched-outtakes-from-a-lady-gaga-photo-shoot-for-versace
<![CDATA[A mother became an accidental car thief while trying to help her daughter.]]>
Grand Theft Auto 6: Nekisia's Mom. (via)

A Brooklyn woman named Nekisia Davis was traveling to Florida with two of her friends and needed someone to watch her Pomeranian, so she flew her mother up to NYC to to help out. In addition to dog-sitting duties, mom was in charge of re-parking three cars belonging to the women, because owning a ride in NYC means every couple days you have to play musical cars to avoid getting ticketed.

When the ladies arrived at their destination, Nekisia got a text from her mother saying that all the cars had been successfully moved. Turns out, mom was close. Because she did move two cars correctly, but accidentally stole a green Honda belonging to a total stranger.

When the group returned from Florida, one of them couldn't find her car because it wasn't where it was supposed to be. Pretty soon they realized that not only had mom chosen the wrong green Honda to move, but some Honda keys will work in other vehicles because... because... Why the hell would that happen? Isn't that something every Honda owner should be aware of? This is Brooklyn - people get shot for driving off with someone else's car. Even a mid-nineties green Honda.

The situation was so odd that when Davis called the police for help, they didn't believe her and, according to Davis, didn't seem to care much. That's when Davis started posting the fliers around the neighborhood, looking for a Honda owner "who potentially wears a lot of necklaces and enjoys San Pellegrino sodas," to let them know that "I didn't steal your car but I think my mom may have."

Police eventually figured out that a vehicle reported stolen matched the one Davis had told them about, and say the car is being returned to its very confused owner.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 18:25:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30675/woman-thinks-her-mom-accidentally-stole-a-car http://happyplace.someecards.com/30675/woman-thinks-her-mom-accidentally-stole-a-car
<![CDATA[Products you don't want: 7 lb. hot dogs.]]>

Maybe you could have used those hot dog savings to buy a nicer microphone.

This video may be older than dirt, but for some reason the Internet took until today to notice this gem of infomercial insanity. Before you ask: yes, they are real, and they are available for purchase at BigHotDog.com in case you want to buy someone a hilarious novelty heart attack. Mr. Mutton-Chops here actually does a pretty good job outlining the things that suck about normal hot dogs: the buns fall apart, they char easily, and swarms of hands occasionally appear to smack you in the face with them.

Amazingly, they claim to have no preservatives whatsoever. So, in other words, it's a giant tube of moist meat with nothing stopping cultures from growing inside. MMMMMM.

I don't think Dan Abbate is the dude in the video, but he's the dude who uploaded it 5 years ago. So thanks, Dan, wherever you are.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:42:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30673/products-you-dont-want-7lb-hot-dogs http://happyplace.someecards.com/30673/products-you-dont-want-7lb-hot-dogs
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: When my husband screams in the bathroom, it's either because he forgot he ate beets or I lost some Lee Press-On Nails in his ass last night. - @shariv67]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:18:16 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30672/when-husband-screams-bathroom-either-because-forgot-beets http://happyplace.someecards.com/30672/when-husband-screams-bathroom-either-because-forgot-beets <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Everyone in the passenger seat of a pickup truck looks like either a hostage or an accomplice. - @juliussharpe]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:13:38 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30671/everyone-passenger-seat-pickup-truck-looks-either-hostage http://happyplace.someecards.com/30671/everyone-passenger-seat-pickup-truck-looks-either-hostage <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Gross this boyfriend pillow won't yell at me - @MykaFox]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:13:14 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30670/gross-boyfriend-pillow-wont-yell http://happyplace.someecards.com/30670/gross-boyfriend-pillow-wont-yell <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg got engaged to each other, probably because they're both super nostalgic for the 90's. - @joshgondelman]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:11:14 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30669/jenny-mccarthy-donnie-wahlberg-engaged-each-other-because http://happyplace.someecards.com/30669/jenny-mccarthy-donnie-wahlberg-engaged-each-other-because <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: kissing is all fun and games until a boy inhales your skeleton through your mouth & uses it to build a house for some other girl - @locustbones]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:08:33 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30668/kissing-games-until-inhales-skeleton-through-mouth-uses http://happyplace.someecards.com/30668/kissing-games-until-inhales-skeleton-through-mouth-uses <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: If mankind really has free will then tell me why do I have SpikeTV on my cable package? - @Rosenthaltweets]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:07:42 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30667/mankind-really-free-then-spiketv-cable-package http://happyplace.someecards.com/30667/mankind-really-free-then-spiketv-cable-package <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: How single am I? Well I just took my shirt off to eat pizza - @patrickmarkryan]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:04:17 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30665/single-well-took-shirt-pizza http://happyplace.someecards.com/30665/single-well-took-shirt-pizza <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Why does every 2 year old boy look like he's just been in a bar fight? - @JimGaffigan]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:04:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30664/does-every-year-look-fight http://happyplace.someecards.com/30664/does-every-year-look-fight <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: If you've ever put away a kitchen knife and not imagined the day you'll dramatically fight a burglar, congrats, I guess you're the adult. - @BoobsRadley]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 17:02:42 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30663/youve-ever-away-kitchen-knife-imagined-dramatically-fight http://happyplace.someecards.com/30663/youve-ever-away-kitchen-knife-imagined-dramatically-fight <![CDATA[What happens when your girlfriend is trapped in the house with a spider and some blow darts.]]>
But I'm so helpful! Please don't shoot me with blow darts! Just kidding...jump attack!

Redditor reigncom came home the other day to find his door jam riddled with blow darts from a vicious battle (or really, assassination) between his girlfriend and a pretty big spider (if you're not Australian).

About time we invented something better than a paper towel on the end of a broomstick.
(via redditor reigncom)

I guess owning a blowgun wasn't the frivolous expense everyone who knows him probably thought they were. For scale, those blow darts are probably about 4 inches long (10.16cm) give or take a quarter-inch. They did, apparently, leave a bunch of sizeable holes in the doorjam.

Before you knock her accuracy, she was standing about 10ft away, so this is probably a lot better than I would do trying to hit a possibly-moving spider on the opposite wall.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 16:45:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30658/what-happens-when-your-girlfriend-is-trapped-in-the-house-with-a-spider-and-some-blow-darts http://happyplace.someecards.com/30658/what-happens-when-your-girlfriend-is-trapped-in-the-house-with-a-spider-and-some-blow-darts
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Fun new drinking game: Pretend you're not an alcoholic - @yoyoha]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 16:32:55 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30662/drinking-game-pretend-alcoholic http://happyplace.someecards.com/30662/drinking-game-pretend-alcoholic <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime. - @nealbrennan]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 16:32:32 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30661/sorry-illegally-downloading-music-mostly-makes-songs-about http://happyplace.someecards.com/30661/sorry-illegally-downloading-music-mostly-makes-songs-about <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Kate Upton is modeling AND acting? How does she juggle both those things? - @joshcomers]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 16:31:49 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30660/kate-upton-modeling-acting-does-juggle-both-things http://happyplace.someecards.com/30660/kate-upton-modeling-acting-does-juggle-both-things <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Haha no I'm not going to "read the instructions" what am I, made out of time? Grow up. - @kevinseccia]]> Wed, 16 Apr 2014 16:29:43 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30659/haha-going-read-instructions-made-time-grow http://happyplace.someecards.com/30659/haha-going-read-instructions-made-time-grow <![CDATA[Jenny McCarthy announced her engagement this morning on The View.]]>
Mark and Jenny are giving marriage a shot. (Getty)

Congratulations to Jenny McCarthy and Internet trolls everywhere, because Jenny just announced on The View that she's attempting to join the cast of A&E's Wahlburgers by marrying New Kid/old guy Donnie Wahlberg this summer. Jenny set the stage for the big announcement with a cryptic tweet telling her followers that The View was "gonna be a goooood one." The tweet set off red flags for anyone familiar with the show because, let's face it, there's never been anything good about it.

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 15:52:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30656/jenny-mccarthy-is-announced-her-engagement-on-the-view http://happyplace.someecards.com/30656/jenny-mccarthy-is-announced-her-engagement-on-the-view
<![CDATA[If AirBnB was honest about how people actually use their website.]]>

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 15:35:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30657/airbnb-issues-helpful-tips-on-how-to-run-a-brothel-through-their-website http://happyplace.someecards.com/30657/airbnb-issues-helpful-tips-on-how-to-run-a-brothel-through-their-website
<![CDATA[A missing toddler was found in the best possible place.]]>
Aw, man. I wanted the Alf doll, not the kid. (via Madsen's Bowling & Billiards)

While his mom was using the bathroom, a three-year-old Lincoln, Nebraska toddler somehow escaped from his home, crossed the street alone, entered a bowling alley, and climbed inside a toy claw machine called the Bear Claw. There, he was discovered by amused bowling alley patrons playing happily in a sea of stuffed animals. 

The boy's frantic mother called authorities Monday to report him missing—only to discover he'd just been found. The toddler received a free stuffed animal as a souvenir from the bowling alley (as if this guy needed any help getting stuffed animals). 

He was returned to his mom after she blew like $16.50 in quarters that she might as well have just spent on buying a new kid.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 14:36:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30655/missing-toddler-discovered-inside-toy-claw-machine http://happyplace.someecards.com/30655/missing-toddler-discovered-inside-toy-claw-machine
<![CDATA[Finland's new postage stamps feature homoerotic bondage art to be licked and bound to freshly stuffed envelopes.]]>
"'Sup, bro?" (via)

First of all, Tom of Finland is the best name I could ever think of for the name of an artist who draws strikingly burly and chiseled men in confident and playful poses, often featuring leather fetish imagery. Robert Mapplethorpe may be the name more people are familiar with in America, but hopefully Tom of Finland will get a boost on the back of the news that Finland has commissioned stamps from Itella Posti in honor of the late artist (1920-1991), whose real name was Touko Laaksonen. Although I was not familiar with his work, he has been called the most influential artist of his genre (he is very famous, I'm just ignorant). 

Maybe this will be a boon to gay rights in Finland, since gay couples currently can't marry or adopt there. Despite that lukewarm level of tolerance, Tom is one of the most well-known and respected artists the country produced in the 20th Century, and that's nothing to shake a stick at. The stamp sheet is comprised of two iconic Tom of Finland images selected by graphic artist Timo Berry, who said of the art, "the sheet portrays a sensual life force and being proud of oneself. There is never too much of that in this northern country." That's not to diminish its quality as homoerotica. As Tom himself once said, "If I don't have an erection when I'm doing a drawing, I know it's no good.

I like that the guy being sat on looks like he's in the middle of a calm conversation. (via)

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 14:13:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30654/finlands-new-postage-stamps-feature-gay-bondage-art-to-be-licked-and-bound-to-freshly-stuffed-envelopes http://happyplace.someecards.com/30654/finlands-new-postage-stamps-feature-gay-bondage-art-to-be-licked-and-bound-to-freshly-stuffed-envelopes