HappyPlace http://happyplace.someecards.com Latest posts from HappyPlace en-us Wed, 23 Apr 2014 06:34:23 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss feedback@happyplace.com http://static.happyplace.com/site/bh/images/hp_logo_plain.png HappyPlace Logo http://happyplace.someecards.com 222 47 30 Copyright 2014 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 <![CDATA[The NYPD tried to connect with Twitter users and took a #beating.]]>
 It went downhill from here.

The NYPD attempted to create a dialogue with Twitter users today, and the result was about as successful as a recruitment booth at Coachella.

It started when the above tweet was sent out from the @NYPDnews Twitter feed which asked "Do you have a photo w/ a member of the NYPD? Tweet us & tag it #myNYPD. It may be featured on our Facebook." A few pleasant photos of smiling faces and thumbs up trickled in, then the hashtag began trending, and the twitter-verse did what it usually does whenever a large, out-of-touch organization attempts to create a dialogue with a lame hashtag - they got bombarded by Twitter users more than happy to play along.

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 20:47:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30806/nypd-fails-at-twitter-outreach http://happyplace.someecards.com/30806/nypd-fails-at-twitter-outreach
<![CDATA[A strip club is suing a doctor for racking up 135K in bills then claiming he was drugged.]]>
Doctor is most likely not pictured here. (Getty)

How many times has this happened to you? You're a cardiologist who stops by a famous “gentlemen’s” club in Manhattan that's been in business for decades, when they drug you, take your credit card and rack up tens of thousands of dollars worth of charges for meals, drinks, and private dances, get you to sign the card without you being aware of any of it, then you go back three more times and the same thing happens? Never? Well that's what one doctor claims happened to him and now the strip - I mean, gentlemen’s club is suing him for the $135K tab he's refusing to pay.

Scores in Manhattan claims Zyad Kivarkas Younan, who works at Robert Wood Johnson (not making that up) University, went to the club four times over and ten-day period and asked to be provided with "food, beverages, and services." Scores manager Stephen Hyman (again...) laughed at the drugging claim, and said, "He was coherent until he saw the bill - or his wife saw the bill."

The place charges $20 at the door, serves $250 meals and $1,000 bottles of champagne, so guys sobering up and freaking out at the bill is probably a common occurrence. That said, you'd think Younan having to admit to his wife that he spent the summer house money on $35 Buffalo Wings would be bad enough, but now he's famous as the clown who's trying to lie his way out of paying a $135K tab. That’s not very "gentlemanly."

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 18:24:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30804/doctor-being-sued-by-strip-club-for-135k-unpaid-bills http://happyplace.someecards.com/30804/doctor-being-sued-by-strip-club-for-135k-unpaid-bills
<![CDATA[HBO Go's new ads perfectly explain why you should steal an HBO Go password instead of sharing stolen cable with your parents.]]>

HBO Go: "The stuff you want to tell everyone you watched is also
the stuff you never want to watch with anyone else."

These ads from HBO for their online streaming service HBO Go were released yesterday, but we were so busy going over every detail of this Sunday's Game of Thrones for our recap of that episode that we are just enjoying them now. Having just bathed in the often-uncomfortable sexual moments of GoT (really, really uncomfortable this week), we can fully sympathize with these teenagers and parents who don't want to be anywhere near each other during the many steamy, frank, violent, and just way-too-honest moments in the network's acclaimed shows. And even though I'm 29, I'm still a big fan of the well-timed bathroom break when I go home to visit my mom and we decide to watch a movie or anything HBO. Here are the rest of these great, unnerving ads:

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 17:59:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30805/hbo-gos-new-ads-perfectly-explain-why-you-should-steal-an-hbo-go-password-instead-of-stealing-cable-with-your-parents http://happyplace.someecards.com/30805/hbo-gos-new-ads-perfectly-explain-why-you-should-steal-an-hbo-go-password-instead-of-stealing-cable-with-your-parents
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: A nose ring says, "I get along with my parents, but we've had our share of differences." - @patrickmarkryan]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 17:05:05 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30803/nose-ring-says-along-parents-share-differences http://happyplace.someecards.com/30803/nose-ring-says-along-parents-share-differences <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I'm annoying but not "sophomore who just got back from a semester abroad in Europe" annoying. - @trevso_electric]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 17:04:38 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30802/annoying-sophomore-back-semester-abroad-europe-annoying http://happyplace.someecards.com/30802/annoying-sophomore-back-semester-abroad-europe-annoying <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Everything happening on reality tv is fake unless someone in the scene has a blurred face. - @mandamels]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:57:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30801/everything-happening-reality-fake-unless-someone-scene-blurred http://happyplace.someecards.com/30801/everything-happening-reality-fake-unless-someone-scene-blurred <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: No one ever spoils the boring parts of Game of Thrones. "The girl with the fucked up face is going to keep teaching the old soldier to read" - @TheMikeLawrence]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:56:12 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30800/ever-spoils-boring-parts-game-thrones-girl-fucked http://happyplace.someecards.com/30800/ever-spoils-boring-parts-game-thrones-girl-fucked <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: The most evil thing a human being can do is say "bless you" to someone while they are still in a pre-sneeze state. - @kumailn]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:51:51 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30799/most-evil-thing-human-being-bless-someone-while http://happyplace.someecards.com/30799/most-evil-thing-human-being-bless-someone-while <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: "Please pack your knives and go." -Crocodile Dundee's wife kicking him out of the house - @AaronFullerton]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:47:18 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30798/please-pack-knives-crocodile-dundees-wife-kicking-house http://happyplace.someecards.com/30798/please-pack-knives-crocodile-dundees-wife-kicking-house <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Happy It's Too Late, We're All Going to be Killing Each Other for Food in 40 Years Day! - @DamienFahey]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:43:12 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30797/happy-late-were-going-killing-each-other-food http://happyplace.someecards.com/30797/happy-late-were-going-killing-each-other-food <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: "Million Dollar Arm"? That's ridiculous. A decade ago, you could've gotten a whole baby for a million dollars. - @timcarvell]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:30:59 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30796/million-dollar-thats-ridiculous-decade-couldve-gotten-whole http://happyplace.someecards.com/30796/million-dollar-thats-ridiculous-decade-couldve-gotten-whole <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Hey, thank you all for the Earth Day wishes. It really means a lot to me! - @douggpound]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:30:48 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30795/thank-earth-wishes-really-means http://happyplace.someecards.com/30795/thank-earth-wishes-really-means <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I love fire drills. In other news, who wants to buy a gently used iPad? I have seven. - @ritchied]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:27:54 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30794/love-fire-drills-other-news-wants-gently-used http://happyplace.someecards.com/30794/love-fire-drills-other-news-wants-gently-used <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Closing down my fracking company early for Earth Day. You're welcome. - @bsfinkelstein]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:14:52 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30793/closing-down-fracking-company-early-earth-youre-welcome http://happyplace.someecards.com/30793/closing-down-fracking-company-early-earth-youre-welcome <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I'll buy Earth Day stuff tomorrow when it's 50% off. - @AnthonyDeVito]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:03:48 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30792/earth-stuff-tomorrow http://happyplace.someecards.com/30792/earth-stuff-tomorrow <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: ME: [knocks on door] "Hi, do you know if your garden hose is long enough to reach your chimney?" STRANGER: "Oh, I don't kn--" ME: "It is." - @rolldiggity]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:02:28 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30791/knocks-door-know-garden-hose-long-enough-reach http://happyplace.someecards.com/30791/knocks-door-know-garden-hose-long-enough-reach <![CDATA[A bunch of kids spotted Charlie Sheen partying in Paris and turned it into a photo op.]]>
Lit up in the City of Light. (via)

If someone told me they ran into a drunk Charlie Sheen in Paris recently, I'd assume they meant the Paris Las Vegas Hotel. Because it's hard to imagine Charlie sitting anywhere for eleven hours, let alone while strapped into a seat on an international flight and unable to smoke. That's why a bunch of American kids on vacation were startled recently when they ran into a well-oiled Masheen in actual Paris. Charlie, who alway seems to be up for making friends and having a good time (unless he thinks you just stole his watch), happily posed for pictures, and even planted a few kisses on his new pals, possibly believing they were butch-looking French chicks.

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 15:44:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30789/running-into-charlie-sheen-in-paris http://happyplace.someecards.com/30789/running-into-charlie-sheen-in-paris
<![CDATA[Newborn kittens accidentally shipped over 100 miles with computer equipment.]]>

Wooo! Wooo! Let's ride it again! Wooo! Wooo!

Here's what (probably) happened: a momma cat had some kittens. She placed them in a box that was about to be shipped, because boxes and other small spaces seem like a safe place to hide some kittens. Then, a human taped up the box, because from a human's perspective, boxes are a great place to hide things you're going to sell later. On this day, the human definition of what a box is for and the cat definition collided, which was almost disastrous for these kittens, as ABC10 San Diego reports.

They were boxed up with some fiberglass equipment* and shipped from Hollywood to a Cox Communications warehouse Chula Vista, CA, a distance of over 100 miles. "They were kinda very, very lucky that they didn't fall out of it in transport or when we were unloading the trucks," said J.C. Collins, an employee at the Cox warehouse who was instrumental in saving the kittens. When J.C.'s coworker opened the box and found the little mewling furballs, Cox recognized that they were way too young to be handled by a bunch of warehouse guys (maybe the umbilical cords gave it away?). He called his nephew at the San Diego Humane Society, which luckily has one of the few kitten infirmaries in existence (really? We don't have enough kitten infirmaries? Come on, humanity). 

Now the kittens are fat and happy and Internet-famous, just like all cats should be. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go order some communications equipment and cross my fingers.

*The phrase "fiberglass equipment" appears in every story about this, although I can't figure out what it is...is it a very lightweight computer that shatters into deadly shards at high speeds? Did one person at ABC 10 mishear "fiber optics," and then the whole Internet reprinted that typo? I'm gonna go ahead and wager that that's the case.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 15:23:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30790/newborn-kittens-accidentally-shipped-over-100-miles-with-computer-equipment http://happyplace.someecards.com/30790/newborn-kittens-accidentally-shipped-over-100-miles-with-computer-equipment
<![CDATA[Woman gets back at online dating creeps by drawing them with tiny penises and posting to Instagram.]]>
Surest sign of a long penis is its owner's need to announce that fact to the world. 
(via Instagram)

When 23-year-old Anna Gensler, an artist, joined Tinder six months ago, she was hoping to meet guys. Instead, she was matched with a whole bunch of creeps. Their opening texts ranged in message and tone from "I have a long penis" to "Bet your [sic] tight." Gensler was—like most women on dating sites—put off by the dudes, who seemed to think these disgusting overtures would actually work. 

(Images after the jump slightly NSFW for poorly drawn hint of penis.)

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:47:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30788/woman-creates-cartoon-versions-of-men-she-meets-on-tinder-with-small-penises http://happyplace.someecards.com/30788/woman-creates-cartoon-versions-of-men-she-meets-on-tinder-with-small-penises
<![CDATA[If Game of Thrones took place entirely on Facebook - Season 4, Episode 3.]]>

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 14:05:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30782/game-of-thrones-facebook-recap-season-4-episode-3 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30782/game-of-thrones-facebook-recap-season-4-episode-3
<![CDATA[Ellen Page wielded her power and fame last night to arbitrarily rename people's dogs.]]>
I have a feeling "Carrots" would have preferred being named "Steak." (via @EllenPage)

Ellen Page is pretty widely adored for being a fun and, by all accounts, nice indie icon, and this has given her a lot of power. While this power sometimes manifests itself in the usual celebrity forms—like helping to make the world more accepting by just being who she is—it is also a power she can wield capriciously for her own amusement (and everyone else's). Specifically, she has the power to rename your dog and make you feel honored in the process (no word yet on how the dogs feel). It all started last night on Twitter:

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:36:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30786/ellen-page-wielded-her-power-and-fame-last-night-to-arbitrarily-rename-peoples-dogs http://happyplace.someecards.com/30786/ellen-page-wielded-her-power-and-fame-last-night-to-arbitrarily-rename-peoples-dogs
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: If you will have sex with me I will book you on a photo shoot for an obscure elderly biking magazine. - @DanWilbur]]> Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:33:07 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30787/book-photo-shoot-obscure-elderly-biking-magazine http://happyplace.someecards.com/30787/book-photo-shoot-obscure-elderly-biking-magazine <![CDATA[5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 22, 2014]]>

Leonardo DiCaprio might have a job playing Jobs, a cat has lost all its money, powdered alcohol is dust in the wind, and more...

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 13:05:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30780/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-21-2014 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30780/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-21-2014
<![CDATA[Kid's parents trick him into thinking he's a wizard with cunning use of remote control.]]>

Hey, those aren't the magic words. That's just sneezing.

Whether you're stealing their noses or making things appear from behind their ears, tricking your kids is pretty much the top form of parental entertainment. Also, any game you can play without getting up off the couch is a winner. Best moment is at :05 when the kid looks at the wand in complete mystification. You can almost see him asking himself, "Dear god. What else might I be capable of?"

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 12:25:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30783/toddlers-parents-trick-him-into-thinking-hes-controlling-tv-with-wand http://happyplace.someecards.com/30783/toddlers-parents-trick-him-into-thinking-hes-controlling-tv-with-wand
<![CDATA[85-year-old hiker creates the best personal ad ever posted to a tree.]]>
Comfort-zone backup is like a wingman who can also play defense. 
(via redditor dearclarissa)

Mt. Baden-Powell is a very popular hiking destination in California's San Gabriel mountains (named for the founder of the Boy Scouts, hence the "near Boy Scout monument" meeting spot). Even with popular hiking spots, though, you should always make sure to have a hiking buddy so someone can run back to town to tell everyone you were eaten by bears. That's the message that Don Viejo got from his children who were concerned for his safety on solo hikes, according to this sign spotted by a redditor's friend.

But if Don Viejo was going to be forced to accept a hiking partner, it would be one to his liking. There's surprisingly little that's creepy about this poster (the height and weight part was a little bit odd...and the fresh breeze bit)—it mostly just sounds like a guy who, since he's being forced to get a hiking partner, would like to spend his time with a young(er) woman if possible. 

His "interview time" is High Noon. His name is Don Viejo. He will buy you lunch. He can rhyme! I'm not a woman over 40, but if none show up for him (very unlikely), I'd consider hanging out with him on the trails. Also, my trail name would be Sir Izzat Edible, and I need a buddy who can carry me back after I make a wrong guess about eating bitter roots.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 11:25:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30781/85-year-old-hiker-creates-the-best-personal-ad-ever-posted-to-a-tree http://happyplace.someecards.com/30781/85-year-old-hiker-creates-the-best-personal-ad-ever-posted-to-a-tree
<![CDATA[That man who let the Internet name his baby daughter had a baby. ]]>
(file photo from our massive file of tiny baby feet)

Remember Stephen McLaughlin, that guy who decided to let the Internet name his baby daughter? He set up a website—NameMyDaughter.com—and did a (casual) reddit IAmA that generated even more name suggestions. Most of the submissions were actually surprisingly reasonable, if a bit nerdy. 

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 11:04:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30779/man-lets-internet-name-his-baby-daughter http://happyplace.someecards.com/30779/man-lets-internet-name-his-baby-daughter
<![CDATA[22 heartbroken people who had to cover up a tattoo of an ex after a breakup.]]>
This is the modern day version of "It's better to have loved and lost..."

Love is forever, except when it's not. When the tears fade and the deep emotional wounds start to heal, you may find yourself with an unfortunately permanent reminder of the person you thought you'd want a permanent reminder of. If that happens, consider covering up your romantic tattoo with a much less romantic skull face. Or curse word. Or really, anything, because the most hideous tattoo in the world is better than having the name of someone you now hate emblazoned on your chest. We promised we wouldn't say, "We told you so," so we'll just say, "You're stupid and you got what you deserve."

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 09:01:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/27869/the-most-regrettable-tattoo-corrections-of-all-time http://happyplace.someecards.com/27869/the-most-regrettable-tattoo-corrections-of-all-time
<![CDATA[Lindsay Lohan got drunk and named names during a crazy magazine interview.]]>
Kode red! (via)

Since the weekly "shocking" revelations on Lindsay failed to shock anyone but Oprah, it looks as though Little Red Car Crash has turned to something called Kode magazine to generate publicity. And it's working! In an excerpt from an upcoming interview obtained by Just Jared, Lindsay drinks vodka, takes ecstasy, says she got pregnant by a married jet-setter, and claims Jennifer Lawrence screws for roles in Hollywood.

Kode magazine says the interviewer, who goes by the name The Kurator, is a "trusted source" (Dina Lohan?) and they stand by everything in the story. Even though a rep for Lindsay (Dina Lohan?) said this afternoon that the story is "fabricated." 

However, saying the story is "fabricated" isn't exactly "We're suing the shit out of them!" And Kode magazine is an actual publication with a tri-named editor in chief, Alan Troy Watson, who you'd think wouldn't risk his job trying to take down someone who has already taken up residence in a ditch. Though it should be pointed out that on Lindsay's Kode cover, the only other recognizable name listed is Rob Kardashian, who is third down on a list of "gets," and one spot above Chris "Drama" Phffaf (pronounced "Fphfffafff").

She did sit for a Kode photo shoot, which does give some weight to their side of things. Or at least proves they can afford some lights and a few cans of spray paint.

The interview is nuts even by Lindsay standards. So nuts that it's hard to imagine that even she would be willing to venture so far out on the crazy branch, even after a night of chasing ecstasy with vodka and Pimp Juice. Either Kode is playing Lindsay, Lindsay is playing Kode, or Kode and Lindsay are in kahoots and we're all just playing in the gutter.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 20:53:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30777/lindsay-lohan-got-drunk-and-talkative-for-crazy-interview http://happyplace.someecards.com/30777/lindsay-lohan-got-drunk-and-talkative-for-crazy-interview
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: The Cheers theme song sounds inspiring until you realize the message is "Fuck it. Just go to the bar. Only other alcoholics appreciate you." - @Schindizzle]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 19:05:34 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30776/cheers-theme-song-sounds-inspiring-until-realize-message http://happyplace.someecards.com/30776/cheers-theme-song-sounds-inspiring-until-realize-message <![CDATA[Robert DeNiro doesn't seem to understand Vine.]]>

Once Upon a Vine in America 

So, here's the question: Is this Vine video the result of a 70-year-old man not quite knowing how his phone works? Or, does it capture one of the greatest actors of his generation giving an Oscar-caliber performance as a 70-year-old man who doesn't quite know how his phone works?

The fact that the guy in the background is Jerome Jarre—the supposed "king of Vine" (whatever that means)—would seem to support the latter theory. But my experience watching my 73-year-old neighbor try to manipulate his grandson's iPhone would seem to support the former.

In either case, I'm going to buy this Vine on BluRay as soon as it gets a Criterion Collection release.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 19:04:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30761/robert-deniro-is-very-confused-by-this-vine-app-on-his-iphone http://happyplace.someecards.com/30761/robert-deniro-is-very-confused-by-this-vine-app-on-his-iphone
<![CDATA[Small child's revenge on uncle backfires spectacularly in vintage home video.]]>

Judging by the "Aak!" the person holding the camera lets out, I'm gonna assume
Uncle Dave is Cathy's brother.

The original authors, place, and date of this video are unclear, and it is so universal-looking that if not for that particular Camcorder feeling, it could be a home movie from any time post-WWII. Nevertheless, I'm glad it has been added to the Internet's consciousness so that we may all witness the tragedy and pathos of "Boy" as he realizes the impotence of each individual to exert control over the world around them against the uncaring forces of mankind at large and nature itself, symbolized by Uncle Dave and the bucket of water, respectively. I look forward to the sequel, when the boy has grown up and acheived his dream of becoming a Regional Manager and wishes to show off his success and new grill at a Fourth of July party, only to get drunk, burn the food, and say something that sounded racist but not as racist as trying to explain what he really meant sounded. Hubris, of course, is embodied by the lighter fluid in that drama.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 18:25:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30775/small-childs-revenge-on-uncle-backfires-spectacularly-in-vintage-home-video http://happyplace.someecards.com/30775/small-childs-revenge-on-uncle-backfires-spectacularly-in-vintage-home-video
<![CDATA[This Chicago burger joint made no pretense about why they were closed for 4/20.]]>
He is resin.

Kuma's Corner is a restaurant that serves huge, dripping, mind-bendingly delicious burgers in the Avondale neighborhood of Chicago. When you walk into the establishment and sit down to eat, you are treated to aural cacophony of loud, thrashing heavy metal music. Their burgers have names like the Black Sabbath, the Iron Maiden, the Lair of the Minotaur and (my personal favorite) the Plague Bringer. They somehow managed to snag a location at 666 W. Diversey Parkway for their sister restaurant and made certain to proudly feature its address number.

So, when given the choice between acknowledging Easter or National Weed Day when they remained closed yesterday, it's maybe not a huge surprise which one the restuarant owners chose. Though, I feel like they could have made an equally compelling case for honoring Ēostre, the pagan goddess of the dawn, without losing any street cred.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:58:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30767/chicago-restaurant-closed-on-4-20-to-celebrate-weed http://happyplace.someecards.com/30767/chicago-restaurant-closed-on-4-20-to-celebrate-weed
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: "Can I have more of these mouse spears?" "Sir those are toothpicks" "I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn" - @Kyle_Lippert]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:33:45 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30774/more-these-mouse-spearssir-toothpicksi-need-1000-army http://happyplace.someecards.com/30774/more-these-mouse-spearssir-toothpicksi-need-1000-army <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight - @aparnapkin]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:32:54 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30773/always-tempted-yell-kevin-mid-flight http://happyplace.someecards.com/30773/always-tempted-yell-kevin-mid-flight <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Almonds are like white collar peanuts. - @joshgondelman]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:32:27 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30772/almonds-white-collar-peanuts http://happyplace.someecards.com/30772/almonds-white-collar-peanuts <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: NEXT WEEK ON CHOPPED: We give the chefs two tomatoes, a bag of salted mayonnaise, and 30 minutes to reconnect with their estranged children. - @shelbyfero]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:31:51 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30771/next-week-chopped-give-chefs-tomatoes-salted-mayonnaise http://happyplace.someecards.com/30771/next-week-chopped-give-chefs-tomatoes-salted-mayonnaise <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Sorry I can't hang out this week, I'm putting stuff from my old wallet into my new wallet - @AlisonAgosti]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:27:17 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30769/sorry-hang-week-putting-stuff-wallet-into-wallet http://happyplace.someecards.com/30769/sorry-hang-week-putting-stuff-wallet-into-wallet <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: whenever i babysit i can never figure out if i want a family or just a really well-stocked pantry. - @hellolanemoore]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:24:46 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30768/whenever-babysit-never-figure-family-really-well-stocked-pantry http://happyplace.someecards.com/30768/whenever-babysit-never-figure-family-really-well-stocked-pantry <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: "It is what it is." - Confucius, I bet - @senderblock23]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:21:51 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30766/confucius http://happyplace.someecards.com/30766/confucius <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: you can wear one even if you're already uncut and just want more foreskin. some guys wear 2 or 3 moreskins - @fart]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:19:47 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30765/wear-even-already-uncut-more-foreskin-some-guys http://happyplace.someecards.com/30765/wear-even-already-uncut-more-foreskin-some-guys <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Getting more and more fired up that Paltrow is back on the market. - @daveanthony]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:19:16 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30764/getting-more-more-fired-paltrow-back-market http://happyplace.someecards.com/30764/getting-more-more-fired-paltrow-back-market <![CDATA[Powdered alcohol has been approved for use in the U.S. Get ready to powder party.]]>
"Waiter, I'd like my 80 bucks back. Just six waters, please."

Powdered alcohol is not only here, but it's going to make lots of people lots of money. That's the only thing that can explain how Palcohol sailed through the federal approval process so quickly that it even caught its inventors off guard. The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau signed off on Palcohol last week, and powdered partying should be in full swing by the fall.

The company's website says that powdered versions of six drinks will be available, including Cosmopolitans and Kamikazes. The drinks can even be sprinkled on food, which will come in handy for those mornings when you're too rushed to make a Margarita and only have time for a Powderita Muffin.

Whenever someone stands to make a buttload of money, it usually means someone else stands to lose it. In this case, the potential losers would be venues like bars, sports arenas, and outdoor concert vendors, who right now are frantically creating $25 dollar stickers for bottled water. That could explain why the Palcohol website has already toned down its website and removed a few money quotes, like:

"What's worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost."

Any way you look at it, the arrival of Palcohol will be a real game changer. Then will come the first Palcohol-related death after some clown snorts a fat rail of it off a stripper, leading to Palcohol hysteria, Palcohol bans, Palcohol-sniffing dogs, and eventually, the formation of the first meeting of Palcoholics Anonymous.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:18:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30759/powdered-alcohol-has-been-approved-for-production-in-the-us http://happyplace.someecards.com/30759/powdered-alcohol-has-been-approved-for-production-in-the-us
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Netflix has announced a price increase. I hope the people whose accounts I 'borrow' aren't impacted too severely. - @capricecrane]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:11:03 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30763/netflix-announced-price-increase-hope-people-whose-accounts http://happyplace.someecards.com/30763/netflix-announced-price-increase-hope-people-whose-accounts <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: It's legally OK to murder someone if they fall asleep in the car while you have to drive. - @Schindizzle]]> Mon, 21 Apr 2014 17:05:57 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30762/legally-murder-someone-they-fall-asleep-while-drive http://happyplace.someecards.com/30762/legally-murder-someone-they-fall-asleep-while-drive <![CDATA[This new father with too much time on his hands decided to milk his son for all the Internet points he was worth.]]>
Is he playing catch, or asking a giant baby to stop standing one-legged on that roof?
(via reddit)

His wife should have probably realized that when she married a guy with the reddit username of "cumtruck," something like this might happen if they reproduced. Mr. Truck claims that his wife specifically asked him to not "karma-whore" their baby on reddit for the upvotes (or karma) that are that site's currency. But not only did he post the picture above, he added several photoshopped versions for good measure, turning his son into a soccer-playing, waterskiing, super-powered Lord of the Dance:

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 16:50:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30760/this-new-father-with-too-much-time-on-his-hands-decided-to-milk-his-son-for-all-the-internet-points-he-was-worth http://happyplace.someecards.com/30760/this-new-father-with-too-much-time-on-his-hands-decided-to-milk-his-son-for-all-the-internet-points-he-was-worth
<![CDATA[Cat fills in for human, teases other cat with string on a stick.]]>


This video of a cat teasing another cat with one of those fishing pole and string toys is an absolutely perfect metaphor... for something. I'm not sure what yet, but it's definitely something insightful. It might have something to do with corporations and the media. Or maybe for the human mind's unceasing appetite for self-delusion. Or maybe it's a metaphor for how cats really like playing with those fishing pole and string toys. Which I think would make make this video a metaphor for itself.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 16:18:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30758/cat-plays-the-string-game-with-another-cat http://happyplace.someecards.com/30758/cat-plays-the-string-game-with-another-cat
<![CDATA[13 ridiculous dating tips for ladies from the year 1938.]]>
Likewise, drinking may make some boys seem sullen, but most just get angry. (VIa)

Based on this digitally preserved dating guide, apparently from the year 1938, women looking for love pre-Pearl Harbor were drunk lushes who were prone to getting dressed in front of their date, crying at the table, and grabbing at the rear view mirror to put on makeup even while "Man" is driving.

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:18:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30755/13-ridiculous-dating-tips-for-ladies-from-1938 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30755/13-ridiculous-dating-tips-for-ladies-from-1938
<![CDATA[5 people having a worse Monday than you.]]>

5. Bieber haters. I used to Belieb in the democratic process, but no more. Even though a petition to deport Justin Bieber garnered way more than the 100,000 signatures required to get a response from the White House, the official response was "Sorry to disappoint, but we won't be commenting on this one." Wait a second. "No comment" counts as an official response? I thought this was America! It's our right as citizens to demand that our leaders speak out on pointless bullshit. How can we know which politicians to elect if we don't know if they hate the same celebrities as us? —SRD

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:04:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30756/5-people-having-a-worse-monday-than-you-4-21-14 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30756/5-people-having-a-worse-monday-than-you-4-21-14
<![CDATA[26 ways to make your final weeks of college count.]]>

by Dan Abromowitz

All too soon, you'll be handed a diploma and told to hit the highway, but for now, you are young, beautiful, and undergraduate. Here's how to milk those last golden drops from the teat of your alma mater:

1. Carve your initials into your department chair.

2. Apologize to your freshman year roommate for trying so hard to be yourself.

3. Read your last ever book.

4. Remember how you were going to befriend your dorm custodian and learn all about his unique perspective on the school? It's not too late, or at least it wouldn't be if he hadn't been fired for trying to unionize.

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:01:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30757/how-to-make-the-final-weeks-of-college-count http://happyplace.someecards.com/30757/how-to-make-the-final-weeks-of-college-count
<![CDATA[The Portuguese Navy's drone program got off to a terrible start.]]>

Well, there's 70 bucks down the drain.

If you're one of those people worried about our skies being invaded by drones, you should consider moving to Portugal. The country has a mediterranean climate, a decent economy and, if this video is any indication, no drone problem for the foreseeable future. At least not the Portuguese Navy, which should probably stick to model planes on a string until they're able to attempt a drone launch that doesn't include a running head start from a naval ninja with a questionable arm.

I don't understand Portuguese, but after sending this article through Google translate, it appears as though the second launch attempt was a success. So congrats! And good luck finding drone #1.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Mon, 21 Apr 2014 13:48:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30754/portuguese-navy-drone-program-off-to-a-rough-start http://happyplace.someecards.com/30754/portuguese-navy-drone-program-off-to-a-rough-start