HappyPlace http://happyplace.someecards.com Latest posts from HappyPlace en-us Sun, 20 Apr 2014 19:54:57 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss feedback@happyplace.com http://static.happyplace.com/site/bh/images/hp_logo_plain.png HappyPlace Logo http://happyplace.someecards.com 222 47 30 Copyright 2014 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 <![CDATA[A lot of folks are saying the Loch Ness Monster turned up in satellite imagery from Apple Maps.]]>
Yeah, that's a boat wake. Unless those are the front and rear paddles of a plesiosaur!
They're not, though. It's a boat wake (according to me).

Someone may have just spotted the Loch Ness Monster, and all it took Apple Maps to find it. Yes, that's right, the same Apple Maps who gave us these mind-bending geographic glitches that resulted in landscapes bending like Paris in Inception. Small submarines haven't been able to find it (although they heard something close on radar, and maybe they saw a fin!), hydrophones haven't been able to detect it (except for possible clicking noises like a dolphin and a swishing noise like large fins being paddled!), 1500 years of looking straight at the water have proved inconclusive, and even its Wikipedia page is a morass of dubious citations or entries with no citations at all.

As you can see, this animal twice the size of the house in the bottom right had no problem
staying hidden for thousands of years.

But guys, that's totally, definitely the Loch Ness Monster. Look at those paddles! That huge (roughly 100-ft long) body! What else could it be, besides the image of a wake left by a boat that was slightly out of the camera's view (satellites take pictures as they move) at the time it was taken? 

Eh, that seems unlikely. It's probably a cold-blooded, air-breathing marine reptile from a genus whose last known fossil dates to 66 million years ago that somehow moved from a saltwater ocean from a much warmer period of Earth's history into a freshwater lake that only formed 10,000 years ago after the last Ice Age. A lake that is, by all measurements, too cold for reptiles and too small to support a breeding population of large predators, let alone ones who come up to the surface to breathe without being spotted.

We did it, you guys.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Sun, 20 Apr 2014 16:25:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30745/a-lot-of-folks-are-saying-the-loch-ness-monster-turned-up-in-satellite-imagery-from-apple-maps http://happyplace.someecards.com/30745/a-lot-of-folks-are-saying-the-loch-ness-monster-turned-up-in-satellite-imagery-from-apple-maps
<![CDATA[A U.S. Senator was almost hit by a train during a commuter safety press conference.]]>

Safety training, meet actual training.

Irony, thy name is Senator Richard Blumenthal. At least for this week. That's because, during a press conference about commuter safety, the U.S. Senator decided to stand on the giant yellow line that was put there to indicate the worst possible place to be when a train inevitably comes blowing by.

Just as the the mayor of Milford utters the words "safety, as you know, is paramount," an index finger enters the frame, as if to point out that the Senator is about to become the star of what could become the most NSFW, WTF FAIL video of all time. Or it could just be a friendly heads up. Regardless, the Senator is lucky he wasn't hit. He's also fortunate that the conductor didn't have a chance to slow down and deliver a commuter safety message of his own, like the hero of this video:

So enjoy the viral stardom while it lasts, Senator. Because with so many idiots in front of so many cameras, the title of Ironic Video Champ is harder to hang onto than U.S. Senator.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Sat, 19 Apr 2014 19:02:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30743/us-senator-gives-safety-talk-way-too-close-to-train http://happyplace.someecards.com/30743/us-senator-gives-safety-talk-way-too-close-to-train
<![CDATA[Gwyneth Paltrow, and a bunch of famous ladies who can stand to be near her, squeeze together for a selfie.]]>
Her patented "It's okay to envy me" smirk. (via Getty)

Gwyneth Paltrow invited a horde of moderately famous blondes (and a couple brown-hairs because all are welcome in the Goop) to consciously couple for a Girls Night selfie. Behold.

Sat, 19 Apr 2014 15:03:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30742/gwyneth-paltrow-consciously-couples-with-a-bunch-of-famous-ladies-for-a-selfie http://happyplace.someecards.com/30742/gwyneth-paltrow-consciously-couples-with-a-bunch-of-famous-ladies-for-a-selfie
<![CDATA[5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 19, 2014]]>

X-Men is protected from sex scandals by audiences' super apathy, a family is attacked by their adorable cat, a high school kid got nationally rejected for the prom, and more...

Sat, 19 Apr 2014 13:42:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30741/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-19-2014 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30741/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-19-2014
<![CDATA[This chimpanzee building a fire and roasting marshmallows is oddly fascinating.]]>

I hope he can also work a hose. And a treadmill.

I haven't seen the BBC show this clip is from, but this bonobo building a fire and roasting marshmallows is both awesome and confusing. On one hand, it's an amazing example of how intelligent some primates are, and how similar their behavior can be to our own (He blows on the marshmallow!) On the other hand, who thinks it's a good idea to teach primates how to build fires? Despite millions of years of an evolutionary head start, there are still humans that can't be trusted with matches. Chimps have been doing fine without them to this point, so how about we leave them in the dark on this one.

Also, why is the BBC giving a bonobo marshmallows? Is this an overly aggressive chimp they're trying to kill with Type 2 diabetes? Again, they've been getting by for millions of years without roasted cornstarch in their diet. If the BBC really values the life of these creatures, they should consider teaching them how to steam vegetables.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 21:22:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30719/primate-builds-a-fire-and-roasts-marshmellows http://happyplace.someecards.com/30719/primate-builds-a-fire-and-roasts-marshmellows
<![CDATA[A New Jersey woman's "8THEIST" license plate was rejected, and she's making a federal case out of it.]]>
I guess 1 through 7 theist was taken. (via)

New Jersey's war on godless vanity license plates continues! Harumph! Harumph!

Last August, American Atheists' President David Silverman was rejected by the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission after he applied for a "ATHEIST" license plate. He appealed the decision and the court agreed that he had a constitutional right to be just as self-righteously annoying as anyone else on the highway.

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 20:28:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30739/woman-suing-new-jersey-mvc-over-rejected-license-plate http://happyplace.someecards.com/30739/woman-suing-new-jersey-mvc-over-rejected-license-plate
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: My signature move is going to the restroom, taking a bunch of selfies and forgetting to pee. - @shariv67]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 18:01:08 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30738/signature-move-going-restroom-taking-bunch-selfies-forgetting http://happyplace.someecards.com/30738/signature-move-going-restroom-taking-bunch-selfies-forgetting <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Watching an episode of Dr. Phil is a less romantic version of staring at the same moon as my mom. - @NikkiGlaser]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:59:19 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30737/watching-episode-phil-romantic-version-staring-same-moon http://happyplace.someecards.com/30737/watching-episode-phil-romantic-version-staring-same-moon <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Getting to that age where Facebook stalking exes is less "What if we were still together?" and more "Would OUR babies be that cute?" - @joshgondelman]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:58:42 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30736/getting-where-facebook-stalking-exes-what-together-more http://happyplace.someecards.com/30736/getting-where-facebook-stalking-exes-what-together-more <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Ugh for the last time, I'm scene, not emo. I am sick of explaining this. I miss LiveJournal. H8 u ppl. - @jakefogelnest]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:51:23 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30735/last-time-scene-sick-explaining-miss-livejournal http://happyplace.someecards.com/30735/last-time-scene-sick-explaining-miss-livejournal <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: The lord gives me all the favs I need, but thnx - @senderblock23]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:50:17 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30734/lord-gives-favs-need-thnx http://happyplace.someecards.com/30734/lord-gives-favs-need-thnx <![CDATA[Goat sneezes on woman, woman loses her freaking mind.]]>


I cannot say exactly why this woman has such an overblown reaction to a goat sneezing. Maybe she's a germophobe. Maybe she's a sternutaphobe. Maybe her father was brutally murdered by a goat with allergies. Or maybe she just had a random freak out moment like I do when a piece of lint moves just the wrong way across my desk. All of these, however, are the wrong questions.

What we should be asking ourselves is what's going through that goat's head just after this lady bugs out? Look at his face at the ten-second mark. He looks over at the camera guy as if to say, "Are you kidding me with this bush league snack dispensing?" The goat is clearly unimpressed.

Also, why is she feeding him a bag of cocaine? That seems unwise.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:50:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30720/goat-sneezing-scares-woman-half-to-death http://happyplace.someecards.com/30720/goat-sneezing-scares-woman-half-to-death
<![CDATA[This nice little piggy just wants a teensy bite of your salad, please.]]>
You're lucky it's Good Friday and not Easter, hammy. Also that your owner
is probably a vegan. 
(via Michelle Stratham)

Meet Albert, a wee piggie who just wants to nom on your salad. Just a little bit. Well, he is a pig, so I guess given the chance, he'd probably wolf it down, but he's well-mannered enough to know it's not his right now. This video was posted by Fleetwood, UK resident and very proud vegan Michelle Statham, although the pig is not hers (he is her Facebook profile photo, though). It is from August, but is making the rounds again today, probably to make us all feel a little bad during peak glazed-ham time on Easter Sunday. Just a little bit.

I've had girlfriends and siblings and frankly all types of people be less polite than this.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:47:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30723/this-nice-little-piggy-just-wants-a-teensy-bite-of-your-salad-please http://happyplace.someecards.com/30723/this-nice-little-piggy-just-wants-a-teensy-bite-of-your-salad-please
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: "Show me where in this store it says I can't draw scared faces on all the green grapes!", I scream as Stop & Shop security drags me out. - @rolldiggity]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:39:48 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30729/show-where-store-says-draw-scared-faces-green http://happyplace.someecards.com/30729/show-where-store-says-draw-scared-faces-green <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: "I don't want to be lonely but I also don't want anyone coming in to my house" - she's done it. My 86yo grandma has summed up dating - @gabydunn]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:39:15 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30728/lonely-also-anyone-coming-house-shes-done-86yo http://happyplace.someecards.com/30728/lonely-also-anyone-coming-house-shes-done-86yo <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: What came first, the bad breakup or your new bangs? - @patrickmarkryan]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:38:13 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30727/what-came-first-breakup-bangs http://happyplace.someecards.com/30727/what-came-first-breakup-bangs <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Can't a man wear a bow tie and no shirt without everyone thinking he's a stripper? - @badbanana]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:37:41 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30726/cant-wear-shirt-without-everyone-thinking-stripper http://happyplace.someecards.com/30726/cant-wear-shirt-without-everyone-thinking-stripper <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Saw a bro driving a Smart Car. He must be overcompensating for his huge penis. - @TotallyAllen]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:37:19 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30725/driving-smart-must-overcompensating-huge-penis http://happyplace.someecards.com/30725/driving-smart-must-overcompensating-huge-penis <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I'm eating beef jerky and lean cuisine. I'm the perfect combination of divorced dad and divorced mom. - @michelleisawolf]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:35:41 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30724/eating-beef-jerky-lean-cuisine-perfect-combination-divorced http://happyplace.someecards.com/30724/eating-beef-jerky-lean-cuisine-perfect-combination-divorced <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: A cop just pulled me over for changing the station during a Beyonce song. Firm, but fair. - @imchriskelly]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:32:04 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30722/pulled-over-changing-station-during-beyonce-song-firm http://happyplace.someecards.com/30722/pulled-over-changing-station-during-beyonce-song-firm <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Facebook says a girl I went to high school with adopted an animal on FarmVille 2. I last saw her in 1976 but I think I really misjudged her. - @buck4itt]]> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:14:16 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30721/facebook-says-girl-went-high-school-adopted-animal http://happyplace.someecards.com/30721/facebook-says-girl-went-high-school-adopted-animal <![CDATA[The citizens of Ypsilanti, MI are banding together to catch the man who poops on their playgrounds.]]>
Where do we report for our T-Shirts? (via @michiganprobz)

It's been a while since society had a criminal with a really fun nickname, but now we have the Ypsilanti Pooper. It has just been announced that the police do have a person of interest for the crimes, but all that is known for sure is that for the past six months, someone has been pooping on the Prospect Park playground in Ypsilanti, Michigan. It should be noted that Ypsilanti is the home of Eastern Michigan University, where there are 20,000+ college kids. And although they were exceedingly nice (this is the Midwest, after all) when I did a show there once, there is at least one kid there who could be a suspect for random acts of defecation. Sorry, college kids.

I'm sure a billboard about 3rd-world hunger would get the same attention.

The billboard itself is owned in part by Adams Outdoor Advertising, and it was inspired by an employee at their Ann Arbor branch, about 6 miles from Ypsilanti, but the town has been consumed by the noxious nocturnal ne'er-do-well since his or her reign of fecal terror began. The impromptu PSA was not in coordination with (and apparently not to the amusement of) the local police. "We're not authorizing it and we don't need it," said City Manager Ralph Lange in an interview with MLIVE. The Pooper PSAs run in between other paid ads. "Our art guy had a lot of fun. He came up with a few designs," Todd Williams, manager of Adams Outdoor Advertising's Ann Arbor branch told The Daily Dot, "and I rejected a few." If you'd like to send those to us, we'd love to see them.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:02:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30718/the-citizens-of-ypsilanti-mi-are-banding-together-to-catch-the-man-who-poops-on-their-playgrounds http://happyplace.someecards.com/30718/the-citizens-of-ypsilanti-mi-are-banding-together-to-catch-the-man-who-poops-on-their-playgrounds
<![CDATA[This kid eloquently expresses his hatred for poetry through the magic of verse.]]>
A verse to poetics.

A fifth-grade student named Panajotis was forced to write a poem as an assignment. The problem is that Panajotis hates poetry! Obviously! I mean, who doesn't? Poetry is like... some kind of... bad thing... that's... really stupid... or something. Look, you get my point. I'm not very good at expressing myself through clever turns of phrase and evocative imagery. Unlike Panajotis, who it seems is quite good at it. As is plainly obvious from the anti-poetry poem he turned he turned in:

I hate poetry!

Poetry looks like a demon rising.

I don’t want to do this.

Poetry sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

I still don’t want to do this.

Poetry smells like skunk spray times ∞ [infinity].

I still don't want to do this.

Poetry tastes like rotten eggs with human brains.

I will never do this again.

Poetry feels like being frozen by a freeze ray.

Doesn't everybody hate poetry?

A demon rising? Skunk spray times infinity? Rotten eggs with human brains? This kid is simultaneously doing the best and worst job ever at making his case against poetry.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 16:39:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30717/kids-writes-a-poem-about-how-much-he-hates-poetry http://happyplace.someecards.com/30717/kids-writes-a-poem-about-how-much-he-hates-poetry
<![CDATA[5 totally weird things that actually happened this week.]]>

1. A sequel to "Mrs. Doubtfire" was announced. According to the Hollywood Reporter, a sequel to 1993's Mrs. Doubtfire is in the works, with Robin Williams and director Chris Columbus already on board. Apparently, they've been trying to make a sequel since 2001, but Williams and Columbus weren't enamored of any scripts until Elf screenwriter David Berenbaum got involved. Of course, we're all itching to know just how this movie could possibly require a sequel and how much money the sequel will make. In case you've forgotten, Robin Williams' character is unmasked as Euphegenia Doubtfire at the end of the first movie. Also, his kids would be their thirties by now, and hopefully a bit less gullible. Personally, I'm already looking forward to Mrs. Doubtfire IV: Divorce in Space!

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 15:46:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30715/5-totally-weird-things-that-actually-happened-this-week-4-18-14 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30715/5-totally-weird-things-that-actually-happened-this-week-4-18-14
<![CDATA["Muppet Christ Superstar" has arrived just in time for 420 Easter.]]>
It's not easy being Christ.

The most surprising thing about Muppet Christ Superstar is that it took over 40 years for someone to think of it. Or at least someone that doesn't dwell on things like angry lawyers and copyright infringement. Regardless, that person is 20-year-old Canadian musician Christo Graham, who recorded the project over the course of a few nights in his bedroom, using karaoke tracks for the music and voicing all the characters himself, including Kermit as Jesus, Gonzo as Judas, and Miss Piggy as Mary Magdalene.

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 15:20:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30713/muppet-christ-superstar-is-exactly-what-it-sounds-like http://happyplace.someecards.com/30713/muppet-christ-superstar-is-exactly-what-it-sounds-like
<![CDATA[An exclusive interview with The Worst Commenter On Every Facebook Post.]]>

In this ongoing series, we have a frank chat with the people who annoy us all on a regular basis. This week, we talked with The Worst Commenter On Every Facebook Post.

Commenters are an invaluable resource for any website. Whether it’s TMZ or NPR, feedback is the best way to determine what regular readers like or don’t like. However, as anyone who has ever read a comments on Facebook knows, there’s always at least one person who seems to hate everything and everyone, and enjoys nothing more than sharing their deep-rooted, often misguided anger with the rest of the world. To find out what makes this incredibly hateful, petty man tick, we sat down for this exclusive interview with The Worst Commenter On Every Facebook Post.

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 14:29:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30716/interview-with-the-worst-commenter-on-every-facebook-post http://happyplace.someecards.com/30716/interview-with-the-worst-commenter-on-every-facebook-post
<![CDATA[You're gonna feel like a real a-hole for laughing at Lindsay Lohan's sex list once you see this.]]>
Et tu, everyone? (via BravoTV)

Ohhhhhh boy. Remember when someone leaked Lindsay Lohan's sex list about a month ago, alleging that she wrote it at the Beverly Hills Hotel while partying with friends? You probably do, because everyone covered it, including HappyPlace (our bad).

Welp, Lindsay finally answered a question about its origins and veracity (one might say she was slightly tricked into it) on Watch What Happens Live, and boy, was it a bummer. Turns out, Lohan says, the list was part of her 5th step of rehab at the Betty Ford Clinic, and that someone must have snapped a picture when she was moving to do her current (and according to rumor, doomed) reality show with Oprah. Watch what happened on tape on Watch What Happens Live here:

Note to self: never play "Truth or Dare" with this guy.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 14:20:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30714/youre-gonna-feel-like-a-real-a-hole-for-reading-lindsay-lohans-sex-list-once-you-read-this http://happyplace.someecards.com/30714/youre-gonna-feel-like-a-real-a-hole-for-reading-lindsay-lohans-sex-list-once-you-read-this
<![CDATA[An annoying high schooler tried to correct her teacher's grammar on a sign. The teacher got the last laugh.]]>
Your my hero mr teacher guy show her whose boss.

You're my hero, Mr. Teacher Guy. Show her(?) who's the boss. (via reddit)

Grammar is important. People who are bad at grammar are a thorn in the side of those of us who aren't, jabbing our eyeballs with painful darts of stupidity. 

On the other hand, self-righteous grammar nazis who don't know the difference between someone being playful and someone who is so dumb that they write in text-message language because they think it's acceptable are way worse, like 4 realz. Now, I do think that the teenager writing the sign (by the handwriting, I'm going with a girl) thought that she was being funny, but the way the sign ends reeks of a kid who thinks she's really gotten the better of someone.

According to redditor TheItalianChamp, who posted this photo, the teacher in question does actually teach English. In general, if the person making use of homophonic wordplay is your English teacher, even if you're the kind of person who can never let anything slide, leave it alone. They did it on purpose, and they will not only grade your sign harshly, they'll still be responsible for grading your papers in the future, and will probably not be so lenient about taking off points for a missing comma in the future.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 12:15:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30712/an-annoying-high-schooler-tried-to-correct-her-teachers-grammar-on-a-sign-the-teacher-got-the-last-laugh-funny http://happyplace.someecards.com/30712/an-annoying-high-schooler-tried-to-correct-her-teachers-grammar-on-a-sign-the-teacher-got-the-last-laugh-funny
<![CDATA[Little girl has best possible answer to mom asking her what she wants to be when she grows up.]]>
Ava has never considered all the baked goods she could be before.

Little Ava is something of a Vine star. She's blunt, adorable, and not afraid to mug for the camera (in fact, with all the Vines of her cute little face out there, you start to wonder if her mom might be trying to launch a career outside the Internet). She also has a wisdom beyond her years. For example, even though Ava's only three, she's already identified the best job in the world. Think of all that frosting!

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 11:51:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30711/little-girl-has-best-possible-answer-for-what-she-wants-to-be-when-she-grows-up http://happyplace.someecards.com/30711/little-girl-has-best-possible-answer-for-what-she-wants-to-be-when-she-grows-up
<![CDATA[5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 18, 2014]]>

The world gets a new Clinton, Tom Cruise gets a Scientologist girlfriend, Google Glass gets its first major creep, and more...

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 11:44:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30707/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-18-2014 http://happyplace.someecards.com/30707/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-april-18-2014
<![CDATA[Is this the most horrifying Easter Bunny costume in history?]]>
MMMmmm you children look like tasty little pink carrots.

Why can't we go back to a simpler time in America, when holidays were focused on Jesus and kids knew that if you sinned the Easter Bunny would take your soul and store it in a colorful egg for his collection? 

We thought we had harvested the Internet's entire supply of creepy anthropomorphic rabbits with our list of 27 of the most terrifying Easter Bunnies to ever make a small child cry, but once again the odd denizens of reddit proved us wrong.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 11:01:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30710/is-this-the-most-horrifying-easter-bunny-costume-in-history http://happyplace.someecards.com/30710/is-this-the-most-horrifying-easter-bunny-costume-in-history
<![CDATA[Dan Reviews Trailers - Lucy.]]>

In today's fast-paced world of smartphones and perpetual war, forming nuanced opinions just takes too long. To save you time, Dan Abromowitz is reviewing movies before they premiere, based entirely on their trailers. You're welcome!

I took Drugs once. I liked it. I figured out how tinfoil worked, gave advice to my reflection, and felt blessed by the primary colors of my friends' t-shirts. I recommend Drugs to anyone. The best Drugs is called Good Ass Shit, and that's exactly what Asian men put a bag of inside nice Jewish girl Scarlett Johansson's tummy-wummy in Luc Besson's Lucy. Not only can this Drugs turn anyone into Jason Statham, but they're also the pleasing sapphire hue of the Mediterranean. Anyone would be honored to have this Drugs inside them, except apparently for Scrablett Jimhenson, who flips her lid when the Drugs starts leaking into her body. Come on, Scrablett, be easy.

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 10:58:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30709/trailer-reviews-lucy http://happyplace.someecards.com/30709/trailer-reviews-lucy
<![CDATA[The music video for Pharrell's "Happy" without the music is pretty eerie.]]>

The day the music died.

Someone get Pharrell a box of tissues, quick! If watching people around the world dancing to "Happy" made him cry, this music video of the song without the music is definitely going to make Pharrell weep. It's just so pitiful. All those people, alone and isolated, trying to bring music into the world—trying to connect—but failing. It makes me feel a little—what's the emotion again?—oh yeah. Sad.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Fri, 18 Apr 2014 10:54:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30708/music-video-for-pharrells-happy-without-the-music http://happyplace.someecards.com/30708/music-video-for-pharrells-happy-without-the-music
<![CDATA[The first promo for the Fake Prince Harry dating show is here and it looks just as dumb as you'd hope.]]>
The Prince of Fails. (Fox)

The first promo for Fox TV's upcoming masterpiece I Want to Marry Harry is here and it looks as though the The STD Network may have a smash hit on their hands. A while back, an executive at Fox must have asked his colleagues, "Do you think we could find 12 women dumb enough to not only fall for the Joe Millionaire prank, but believe they actually have a shot with the Prince of Wales?" When they all finished laughing and drying their eyes, the heartless bastards set out to cast a dozen gold-digging idiots, then put them on a plane and explained who Prince Harry was and that England is the country where people talk funny.

Based on the promo, it looks like Fox has gone back to the winning EFITS formula: "Elegance," fighting, idiots, tears and stupidity. 

Now all Fox has to do is find several million people dumb enough to waste thirteen hours or so of their lives watching this garbage. (Hand raised and waving) I'm in!

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 19:20:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30705/first-promo-for-fake-prince-harry-dating-show http://happyplace.someecards.com/30705/first-promo-for-fake-prince-harry-dating-show
<![CDATA[Professor suspended because his young daughter wore a 'Game of Thrones' t-shirt deemed "threatening."]]>
To be fair, Daenerys Targaryen is a threat to a lot of people. They just don't know it yet.

This is a picture that Bergen Community College professor Francis Schmidt took of his daughter doing yoga in a Game of Thrones t-shirt (although by the looks of it, it's practically a dress for her). The professor of arts and animation at the Bergen County, NJ school posted the image to Google+, where it was seen (unlike most Google+ posts) by several of his friends and coworkers. One of those co-workers happened to be Jim Miller, executive director of human resources. Determined to live up to every stereotype of human resources directors, Mr. Miller immediately summoned Professor Schmidt and two of his colleagues to discuss this "threatening email."

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:50:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30702/professor-suspended-because-his-young-daughter-wore-a-game-of-thrones-t-shirt-deemed-threatening http://happyplace.someecards.com/30702/professor-suspended-because-his-young-daughter-wore-a-game-of-thrones-t-shirt-deemed-threatening
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Los Angeles is the guy who buys a 500 dollar watch when he owes you 400 dollars. - @bazecraze]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:21:31 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30704/angeles-buys-dollar-watch-owes-dollars http://happyplace.someecards.com/30704/angeles-buys-dollar-watch-owes-dollars <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: BREAKING: House Republicans demand hearings to determine what Chelsea Clinton's baby knows about Benghazi - @RexHuppke]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 17:19:27 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30703/breaking-house-republicans-demand-hearings-determine-chelsea-clintons http://happyplace.someecards.com/30703/breaking-house-republicans-demand-hearings-determine-chelsea-clintons <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: My Child Made Honor Roll Mostly As A Coping Mechanism To Deal With Our Constant Fighting - @YUCKYBOT]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:34:06 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30701/child-made-honor-roll-mostly-coping-mechanism-deal http://happyplace.someecards.com/30701/child-made-honor-roll-mostly-coping-mechanism-deal <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I'm gonna go twirl every woman in a sundress. - @Ty_Schutz]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:33:25 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30700/gonna-twirl-every-woman-sundress http://happyplace.someecards.com/30700/gonna-twirl-every-woman-sundress <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: What's the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I'm that. - @capricecrane]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:29:49 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30699/whats-opposite-wanting-hear-about-doing-crossfit http://happyplace.someecards.com/30699/whats-opposite-wanting-hear-about-doing-crossfit <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Slut shaming is terrible. Unless you're a lady in a country song, because I want to hear all about the citified devil hooker after your man. - @BoobsRadley]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:28:48 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30698/slut-shaming-terrible-unless-lady-country-song-because http://happyplace.someecards.com/30698/slut-shaming-terrible-unless-lady-country-song-because <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Please stop calling it The Last Supper. Some of us haven't read that far yet and don't want spoilers. - @badbanana]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:25:36 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30697/please-stop-calling-last-supper-some-havent-read http://happyplace.someecards.com/30697/please-stop-calling-last-supper-some-havent-read <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I hate how every girl named "Sussudio" goes crazy when the song "Sussudio" plays. - @juliussharpe]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:23:01 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30696/hate-every-girl-named-sussudio-goes-crazy-song http://happyplace.someecards.com/30696/hate-every-girl-named-sussudio-goes-crazy-song <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Paid 2 stuntmen to dress like FROZEN characters and let me hit them with my car in front of this elementary school for 6 hours - @robhuebel]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:17:46 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30694/paid-stuntmen-dress-frozen-characters-them-front-elementary http://happyplace.someecards.com/30694/paid-stuntmen-dress-frozen-characters-them-front-elementary <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: America: Love It Or Leave It Or Try Unsuccessfully To Downshift Into Just Like A Hook-Up Buddies Thing - @DCpierson]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:17:04 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30693/america-love-leave-unsuccessfully-downshift-into-just-like http://happyplace.someecards.com/30693/america-love-leave-unsuccessfully-downshift-into-just-like <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it's okay if they put the receipt in my bag. - @kevinseccia]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:16:16 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30692/meet-whose-complaint-cashiers-asking-okay-they-receipt http://happyplace.someecards.com/30692/meet-whose-complaint-cashiers-asking-okay-they-receipt <![CDATA[Tweet Pick: Appears as though my church doesn't like the twist ending I wrote for the Easter Pageant. - @Crutnacker]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:14:22 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30690/appears-though-church-doesnt-twist-ending-wrote-easter http://happyplace.someecards.com/30690/appears-though-church-doesnt-twist-ending-wrote-easter <![CDATA[Man faces federal charges for mistakenly thinking there were free refills on his soda.]]>
For $525, I hope they still let him keep the cup.

Christopher Lewis, a construction worker from North Charleston, South Carolina was in the VA Medical Center cafeteria in downtown Charleston for his lunch break when he was arrested for "theft of government property" totalling 89¢. "As I was filling my cup up, I turned to walk off and a fella grabbed me by the arm and asked me was I gonna pay for that, and I told him I wasn't aware I had to pay for that," said Lewis. According to the hospital, the cafeteria is full of signs stating the refill policy, and the officer claims Lewis has done this multiple times without paying (although Lewis readily admitted to that).

lf a federal officer asks you if you're going to pay for that, say yes.

He tried to pay then and there, but it was too late. He was taken to a room, issued a ticket for $525 and told never to come back. He's now out of a job. "I'm done there, at the VA hospital," Lewis lamented, "I'm not allowed to go on the premises anymore. I asked him can I still work on the job site and just bring my lunch and not go to the cafeteria, and he said he wanted me off the premises." A hospital spokesperson later claimed he had become aggressive during the interaction. Lewis has contacted the Internal Affairs Office in Columbia, SC and plans to fight the fine in federal court.

In conclusion, don't try to sneak in a free refill when there are both federal officers and signs posted. Not everywhere works like a rest stop Sbarro's.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 16:06:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30688/man-faces-federal-charges-for-mistakenly-thinking-there-were-free-refills-on-soda http://happyplace.someecards.com/30688/man-faces-federal-charges-for-mistakenly-thinking-there-were-free-refills-on-soda
<![CDATA[This family's 'Summertime Is Great' music video is so bad it's great.]]>

"Hmmm... We need a word that rhymes with 'great' that is also a synonym for 'great'?"

Vapid, hackneyed lyrics. Cloyingly upbeat delivery. Uncomfortable, awkward screen presences. Absurdly bad production value. Overall unapologetic corniness. Any of these things alone could be enough to ruin a music video. So, you'd think that piling all of them together would make for a really awful viewing experience. But somehow it doesn't. Somehow, it creates something amazing. I'm not exactly sure how that works. It's like a strange form of mawkish alchemy. All I know is watched it five times already.

The three disturbingly happy people responsible for "Summertime Is Fun" are the Sturm family, or Three Beat Slide as they're known professionally. And I mean "professionally" in the loosest sense of the word. I really don't know much about them or the story behind this incredible piece of outsider art. I did find this interview with them, but unfortunately I don't speak Spanish. Though apparently they do. Quite fluently: 

El verano es genial!

I'm sure that one day we'll find out more about this family, but I kind of don't want to. I don't want the mystery to die. Plus, I'm kind of worried that Jimmy Kimmel might be hiding behind Papa Sturm's motorcycle. 

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 15:59:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30686/summertime-is-great-music-video-is-terribly-awesome http://happyplace.someecards.com/30686/summertime-is-great-music-video-is-terribly-awesome
<![CDATA[Tweet Pick: How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time? - @jasonmustian]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2014 15:52:00 EDT http://happyplace.someecards.com/30689/dumb-family-doubtfire-fool-them-second-time http://happyplace.someecards.com/30689/dumb-family-doubtfire-fool-them-second-time