5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 29, 2014
1. Expect To See Leonardo DiCaprio In A Joey Ramone Wig — Martin Scorsese To Direct Film About Iconic Punk Band
Word around both the movie and music worlds is that legendary New York filmmaker Martin Scorsese, who rose to prominence in the '70s with energetic, violence and drug-tinged portrayals of life in films like Taxi Driver and Mean Streets, might be planning to make a film about the legendary New York punk band The Ramones, who rose to prominence in the '70s with energetic, violence and drug-tinged portrayals of life in songs like "Beat on the Brat" and "I Wanna Be Sedated." Seems like an odd pairing, doesn't it?
Every time I watch old Ramones footage, I think to myself: "Fuck, if only I could see this through the eyes of the guy who made The Aviator.— Damian Abraham (@leftfordamian) August 28, 2014
2. New Kirk Cameron Film 'Saving Christmas' From All The Make-Believe People Who Are Pretend Destroying It
Conservative Christian Kirk Cameron's new film, Saving Christmas—which claims to be a comedy, but can probably be more accurately described as a cinematic religious tract—promises to destroy many of the supposed myths surrounding Christmas, such as the one about Christmas trees originally being a pagan symbol (never mind that it almost certainly was). "I assume [atheists are] going to get frustrated to see some of their best arguments deflated by this movie, because we take on some of the most commonly parroted myths about the origins of Christmas," Cameron explained in an interview with The Blaze.
Reminder: It's never too early to start your War on Christmas shopping!— Barry Crimmins (@crimmins) August 29, 2014
3. Study: Junk Food Makes You Want To Eat Junk Food Which Makes You Want To Eat Junk Food
According to a new study published in Frontiers in Psychology, a junk food-heavy diet leaves people more dependent upon junk food as source of food satisfaction and less likely to add healthier foods to their diet, creating a dangerous cycle that eventually turns them into everybody else in America.
Intellectually I know that junk food won't bring my father back to life. But my body doesn't seem to understand this.— Anthony DeVito (@AnthonyDeVito) July 18, 2014
4. Toronto Just Might Give Rob Ford A Fourteenth Chance
According to a new poll, crack-addicted mayor of Toronto Rob Ford is currently in second place, just three points behind John Tory with 31 percent, in the Canadian city's mayoral race. This comes as great news to all Americans who are getting pretty sick of our northern neighbors lording George W. Bush over us for all this time.
If Rob Ford actually wins reelection then Canada deserves Burger King.— Krister Johnson (@KristerJohnson) August 28, 2014
5. We All have Trillions Of Pet Bacteria Who Refuse To Leave Our Side
You are currently covered in trillions of individual bacteria organisms, and there's literally nothing you can do about it, according to a new study. You can scrub yourself raw and run far away from your disgusting, filthy house, but it will all build up again in less than a day. "The speed at which that colonization happens was quite remarkable," the germ-ridden head researcher told the AP.
They say your desk has more bacteria than a public bathroom which is why I'm writing this from inside a toilet.— Julian McCullough (@julezmac) July 15, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)