See? Right there on my calendar: Friday, 2PM - Good ass lunch with Mary.

It looks like "deactivatedfatgirl" may have had her fat turned off, but her attitude remains fully functional. First spotted by the New York Post's Joel Pavelski (we all know how much the Post loves Jay-Z and Beyonce) and then on HyperVocal, this comment is quickly coming to define the day's reaction of being completely blown away by Beyonce's surprise late-night album drop and feeling a little bit like she has too much power over all of us.

I mean honestly, what is Beyonce doing posting vegan cupcakes like that? Deactivatedfatgirl is right: she's acting like she didn't just blow us away for like the 5th time this year. She's acting like the most interesting thing going on today is her polaroid-filtered pastries. And you know what? Maybe in Beyonce's eyes, the collective freakout of the Western world is less important than her morning cupcake. She's Queen Bey. Not your buddy Bey. Queen

There's a popular urban myth that in Japan, it's illegal for a game in the popular Dragon Quest series to come out on a weekday because it's so disruptive to school and work. (The law didn't pass, but they released six sequels on a Saturday after the 3rd game caused a measurable rise in muggings, a drop in productivity, and 300 kids to be arrested for camping out in video game stores and skipping school.)

I propose allowing deactivatedfatgirl to draft national legislation to regulate Beyonce album drops in order to protect the sanctity of our good-ass lunch schedules. Of course we want Beyonce to release a new album. We need it like we need the rivers for water. Like the river, however, Beyonce can easily flood and overwhelm us if we are not prepared.

Which is why we must give thanks to Tina's vagina, and (to a lesser extent), God for Queen Bey and her benificence. 

For the record, deactivatedfatgirl has spoken about her comment and the attention it's received, clarifying its deaper meaning for all of us:


Even when she hadn't released nann single, I was still her stan.

As someone who follows Beyonce's morse code accounts religiously, I can confirm that she didn't let a single dot or dash slip by that even hinted at a new album coming out. We all had our good-ass lunches ruined. But it's OK. That's why she's Queen.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Sources: HyperVocal | deactivatedfatgirl on Instagram | Joel Pavelski | Beyonce on Instagram