"Didn't work last seven times. Better try again."
Ha ha! Look at this dumb squirrel! Working so hard to climb up a pole just to get a few measly bits of bird food. So naive. And no matter how many times he tries, he never learns that the pole is greased, and he simply cannot succeed. Physics is working against him. How can he not comprehend the futility of his situation?! Stupid animal.
Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to searching the Internet for funny animal videos so that I can write humorous commentary about them. I feel like I'm getting really close to finding the one that turns all this around and makes me Internet famous!
(by Dennis DiClaudio)