What every state secretly wants, according to Google.
AMERICA



Um, thanks but no thanks, Arizona and Indiana.

Google's Autocomplete function has been providing us with hilarious proof of how stupid, perverted, and biased we all are ever since it was invented. And you can use it to conduct fun (non-scientific) experiments by entering in something like "[State] wants" and it will give you the most common things everyone says that state wants, which is exactly what Mashable did to create this map. 

Some of the states are kind of terrifying: Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, we might have to separate you three and move you to other places on the map, because you don't seem to be absorbing the lessons of the 20th and 21st centuries (or 19th).

Then there are the kinda cute/sad states; Idaho (not gonna happen), Wisconsin (you could annex the scarf and become a handgun threatening Maine), and Washington (shut up, Washington). 

And California did briefly consider putting a warning label on fries (good lord, Californians. Can't you put a warning label on asshat tech billionaires first?)... in 2005. Just a reminder that when you do stupid stuff like that, the other states will never forget.

Apparently Kansas and Oregon both really wanted to face off against Alabama in college football and oh god I'm already bored.

Many of the states are blank, but as Brian Barrett from Gizmodo explained, most of these were "wants and warrants" which just takes you to pages offering arrest info. And for Rhode Island, it goes to a single story about one cop (way to make an impact, Rhode Island):


Really, South Dakota? You have nothing to improve upon?

As you probably noticed, a whole heck of a lot of states want to secede (and create an exciting new era of American warlords trying to reconquer the empire!), but it should be noted that many of those are states where some people want to split up (as only Maine accurately stated). For example, the rich part of Maryland would not like to be associated with Baltimore anymore.

That being said, New Hampsire, Texas, Alaska, Montana and Hawaii all really have strong secession/independence movements (Hawaii's is a bit more understandable). Also those billionaire tech asshats in San Francisco want their own city-state that is within America but not subject to its laws, because that's how amazingly entitled they are.

Sorry, Florida. We can't tell you why we're all laughing.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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