Two second-grade girls wrote a step-by-step guide to "how to fall in love."
DARNDEST THINGS


You don't even have to go on the date first. It's just enough that you asked. (Via)

Sick to death of hearing everyone complaining about how love is so hard to find, dating's so depressing, everyone's so alone and afraid blah blah blah? While we're all banging our heads against our Tinder profiles trying to establish a human connection, two little second-grade girls figured it out with nothing but a pen and a ratty napkin.

 

[Click for enlarged image]

Ted Scheinman tweeted out the above back in December: "The best thing you will read all day: two of my sister's 2nd graders on 'how to fall in love.'" We don't follow Ted so we might never have benefited from this wisdom had Matthew J.X. Malady at The Awl not sought him out for some backstory.

"The two girls (both second-graders) had finished their work about 12 minutes early and decided to write a “book” using napkins (possibly from a classroom birthday party?), with staples for the binding," Sheinman told The Awl. "My sister’s colleague saw them giggling and went to find the cause. Presumably she expected something less monumental. The girls surrendered the text without a struggle. I don’t believe it was confiscated on account of raciness; we’re pretty sure the teacher just really wanted to keep it."

As you can see, the girls appear to have intended to cover how to find true love in 24 steps, but they only made it to 13 when the "book" was confiscated. Did they run out of time, or did they discover in their research that 13 steps was all they needed? It ends kind of appropriately, if you see "Give each other rings" as marriage and "Go to the pool together" as the honeymoon. Unless the "pool" is meant to signify death, the vast pool into which we all must sink, regardless of the love we might have found during our swim.

"From The Stare To The Pool: Finding True Love In 13 Steps" would pretty much fly off the shelves. Agents are surely circling. 

Transcript:

1. First you stare at the person.

2. You get close to each other

3. You ask for a date.

4. You go in bed and do sex

5. When you kiss you suck and lick

6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex.

7. [Blank]

8. Go dance and put your noses together.

9. [Blank]

10. Then kiss forever.

11. Take a shower together and kiss.

12. Give each other rings.

13. Go to the pool together.

14. - 24. [Blank, tragically]

Check out The Awl for much more backstory and further study of the text.

(by Bob Powers)

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