6 funny and festive Internet things to read on your flight home for Christmas.
XMAS READS

1. "I Rewatched Love Actually and Am Here to Ruin It for All of You" by Lindy West. "Hugh Grant plays the role of "horny prime minister," which raises the question: What percentage of Americans believe that Hugh Grant literally is the prime minister and/or boy king of the UK? I'll bet you the number is not zero, and that is why we should all probably eat poison." (read the rest on Jezebel)

 

2. "An Upworthy Holiday Letter from the Spencer Family" by Ian Crouch. "There’s so much else worth sharing. Like This One Crazy Story That Will Reshape The Way You Think About Marriage Forever. We’re talking about our son, Rob, who tied the knot with our lovely new daughter-in-law, Katie, in August, at a tasteful ceremony over at the country club." (read the rest on The New Yorker)

 

3. "Good Grief and Great Tits" by Dan Savage. "Okay, I have to put the book down. I'm five pages into Good Tidings and Great Joy and... Jesus Fucking Christ... I have got to put down this toxic little shitstain of a book. I'm going to go wash my eyes out with hydrogen peroxide. Be right back." (read the rest on The Stranger)

 

4. "Misandrist Christmas Carols" by Mallory Ortberg. "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart / The very next day, you gave it away / Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women’s bodies." (read the rest on The Toast)

 

5. "Merry Christmas, Son. I Trampled A Man To Death To Buy You This Leappad Ultra Tablet" by Jeremiah Tucker. "Maybe it will teach you how to calculate the value of human life. Is it equal to, greater than, or less than deeply discounted consumer electronics? Does your LeapPad have an app that can calculate the damage to one’s soul? Lately, I’ve been wondering if mine is beyond salvaging." (read the rest on McSweeneys)

 

6. "Elf on a Shelf: The Strange History of Santa's Little Helpers" by Stephanie Pappas. "As of 2007, about 37 percent of Icelanders said it was "possible" that álfar still roamed the countryside, another 17 percent said it was "probable" and 8 percent were certain elves were still afoot, Gunnell said. He compared the reluctance to discount elves with other common folk beliefs around the world, such as the notion that the dead might be able to contact the living." (read the rest on LiveScience)

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