Duty Free Hookups - 5 rules of etiquette for having casual sex during an airport delay.

So your plane is delayed. You and your fellow passengers are searching each other, exchanging curious glances and welcoming body language, all of you wondering one thing: “How can I turn this missed connection into a love connection?”

Casual sex during a travel delay can be some of the hottest, filthiest, boundary pushing sex one can have during a holiday rush home to see their family. There’s a simple etiquette you can follow to make sure everyone has fun and no one gets hurt.


1. Names or no names? Decide in advance and stick to it. 

When you and a fellow traveler decide you’re mutually attracted to each other enough to engage in a fleeting encounter in either the airport bathroom or the airport-adjacent Radisson, agree in advance on whether or not you’re going to go with real names, “Airport Names,” or no names at all. Unless one of you is TSA (which would be mega-hot, BTW), you don’t need to know each other’s names if you don’t want. Just ask, “Names or no names?” Then shake on it.


2. The one whose flight is leaving first gets to pick the position.

If your flight is delayed for twelve hours, but your travel sex partner’s flight is supposed to leave in three, your partner gets to decide how you two do it. They’re on a tight schedule, so if they can only ever finish when they’re on top, sorry, but you’re the bottom. Make sure your phones are set to receive travel alert texts. Updated delay times can switch up the dynamics in regards to who’s calling the shots. 


3. No stealing kidneys!

We’ve all been there. You just finished having sex with someone you met at the airport. They hit the minibar too hard and are passed out cold. Maybe you should make the travel delay extra-beneficial by carving into their stomach, stealing their kidney, and putting them into the tub with a couple buckets from the ice machine and a note to call 911? Who doesn’t need an extra two thousand bucks toward Christmas presents?

Don’t do it! One kidney theft ruins travel delay sex for everybody. Word gets around and suddenly people are more cautious about opening up their bodies to complete strangers they meet on the moving walkway. On top of that, it’s just greedy. You just got to have travel delay sex! What more do you need? The memories from your rendezvous are worth way more than any money you’ll get from selling your travel sex partner’s organs.


4. Read your sex partner’s signals. 

Those rules about overstepping your boundaries when you’re on a plane carry over into the travel delay sex bed. Notice if your travel sex partner seems to be sending you a “no” signal. If you’re talking dirty a lot during the sex, and your partner picks up a book or puts on their headphones, that’s a no-signal. They want you to pipe down and just let them enjoy the sex you’re having. If you want to keep going but your partner makes a show of putting on their neck pillow, they’re tired and they’d like the sex to stop so they can get some shut-eye. Reading each other’s signals is an easy way to communicate during travel sex without being impolite. 


5. Save the tears for the in-flight bathroom.

It’s inevitable that after your travel delay sex, you’ll want to break down into tears over the fact that you still have to return to the life you were briefly able to forget during a short, ecstatic respite with a stranger. Save that stuff for when your plane’s in the air and the bathroom’s free. You’ll have more than enough time during your flight to sob into the plastic sink about the years of tedium that await you once you land. While having your travel delay sex, be in the moment. From the second you agree to go have sex and shake on it, to the second you check out of your hotel or rest room stall and make your way to your gates, savor it. 

Given the current state of air travel, you’re only likely to experience a delayed or cancelled flight every other time you fly, so make this one count. It might be hours if not days before you get another chance to work out your frustration with some brief, anonymous airport travel delay sex.

(by Bob Powers)

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