Selfies are annoying. We all know that. But some of them are way beyond the pale. People are taking them in front of horrific tragedies, in front of the homeless, and in front of unflushed toilets. But you and I know those are not the worst. Here are 8 kinds of terrible, no-good, awful, just plain bad, bad, bad selfies that we will no longer tolerate on the Internet.
1. The Sexy Underwear Selfie
Yeah, we've seen people in sexy underwear. They're called models, and in rare cases, "exes." This is a "selfie." That means we want to see your "self." Your real self. Granny panties. Granny bras. Tightie-whities. Spanx. Granny garters. Grandpa jocks. That's what the Internet wants.
2. The Selfie Taken From Your Steering Wheel
Taking a selfie while driving is very dangerous. At least make it worth it by twisting around in your seat and getting the speedometer in the background. Jeez.
3. The Bed Selfie
You just woke up? It better be in an ice-filled bathtub with a mysterious #NoFilter scar across your tummy, or else you just got unfollowed.
4. The Sex-Toy-In-The-Background Selfie
5. The "I'm At My Own Funeral!" Selfie
Hey, 21st-Century Tom Sawyer! You're blowing the whole joke by posting this online!
6. The Up-The-Nose Selfie
No one wants to see your boogers. Try angling from the top down, you disgusting fool.
7. The Cliché Atrocity Selfie
Oh, you're taking a selfie at Auschwitz? What an original little waste of human life you are. How about being massively insensitive in front of the Cambodian Killing Fields for a change? Or the steppes across which the Turks marched the Armenians to death? Hmmm? A little Yasukuni Shrine action, perhaps? If you're going to make a joke out of yourself and humanity, don't be a copycat.
8. Duck Face Selfie
You are a duck. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you need help dealing with your personality disorders. I suggest you see a quack.