Store's shoplifting warning threatens worst punishment imaginable.
SIGNS


We don't know the store, so just to be safe we're returning a 15-year-old Airhead we stole.

Even that puppy looks miserable. Whatever you're stealing, this should just be proof that crime doesn't pay. Even if you feel no guilt at robbing store owners, no one has a heart stony enough not to be destroyed by the poor animals, the guilt that you're not adopting them and your irritation at Sarah McLachlan's arrogance that she is the one who gets to tell you you're not helping enough puppies. Nothing is worth that. Even the people who stole one of Edvard Munch's $130 million "Scream" paintings would have probably backed away slowly and turned all the lasers back on if they saw this sign. It's enough to make you want to steal a bunch of abused puppies.

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