"My hands are white, my face is brown. I'm like America. Want to see my Asian parts?"
A story: You're Mitt Romney's campaign advisor. You plan a nice little sitdown with Univision and a rally in Miami, and you think "time to gain some ground with Hispanics after that self-deportation problemo we had in the primaries." Then suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see Mitt walking out of a Hollywood Tans with Snooki and John Boehner. "Will this help me with Latinos?" Romney asks. "I'm from Ohio," says John Boehner. "Listen, Mitch," says Snooki, "tanning works with everybody. Italianos, latinos, chinese-os. Whatever." Mitt realizes he forgot to tan his hands and it's in his hair. You have already dialled your PR guys and put an embargo on the word "brownface." Then you try to delete all these pictures from the Internet:
Oompa loompa doompity doo, I've got some self-deportation for you.
"Sorry, could you repeat that? My forehead was crinkling with spray tan."
"I thought I was here to meet Hispanics but I'll take it! Dominican, what's that?!"
That is the most skeptical look a man's hand has ever gotten.
"Everyone, please meet my white son, Craig."
"See this? This is my normal skin. This right here. See how it matches my hands and lips?"
"SOMEONE TELL ME IF I ACCIDENTALLY DYED MY TEMPLES BROWN! YES? CRAP!"
"I PROMISE I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU AS LONG AS THIS SPRAY TAN LASTS!"