The child is one of us now.
As hard as shopping malls try to make "going to see the Easter Bunny" a thing, it's never quite caught on like visiting Santa Claus. Maybe that's because Christmas is a magical celebration of materialistic greed and gluttony while the closest thing to "fun" about Easter is showing off your new pair of church slacks — or maybe it's because every Easter Bunny costume is a walking nightmare of soul-scarring horror. Here are some examples of why the image of a bleeding, emaciated guy on a cross rising from the grave is somehow not the most traumatizing thing about this holiday.
He accidentally bleached his Bigfoot costume. Lemons into lemonade.
That's nothing. We once saw a bunny swallow five kids in one gulp.
He's just giving her a head-start. They love the sport of the hunt.
In the old days, childhood was utter madness.
After I give them their eggs, I am taking them back to my planet with me.
His eyes fell off so he had to replace them with a hand full of red jelly beans.
They look even scarier alone. What do they think about? Do they think only in screams?
Did it just die? Get the kid, he's on a dead bunny!
It's uncomfortable that the Easter Bunny sits like our Dad on a hot day.