I'd actually welcome this as one of those mass holiday texts people send.
As Thanksgiving approaches, gird yourself for the deluge of Thanksgiving status updates that will soon be pouring down your Facebook page. Some will do the "what I'm thankful for" list as a chance to brag about their lives or just spout stuff about how awesome God is. Others will exclaim about their distended, turkey filled bellies and football. The posts gathered here celebrate that special Thanksgiving status update where warm, family-oriented, holiday earnestness goes horribly, wonderfully off the rails.
Everyone but the Scientologists. They celebrate when we took the land from the aliens.
And for the third year in a row, the family was thankful that Crystal did not show up.
If you don't want your kid to get worked up over nothing, don't name them "Tizzie."
Dumb people, threw and threw.
Don't try that "mourning" crap on me, step-grandma.
Also, all your least-successful friends from high school will be there.
Americans should all be thankful 4 the freedom to be morons.
Yeah, you dropped those turkey balls on the ground.
Well, honey, Casey doesn't make played-out "that awkward moment" jokes.