Latest Posts
  • A missing toddler was found in the best possible place.

    posted 28 minutes ago

    Aw, man. I wanted the Alf doll, not the kid. (via Madsen's Bowling & Billiards)

    While his mom was using the bathroom, a three-year-old Lincoln, Nebraska toddler somehow escaped from his home, crossed the street alone, entered a bowling alley, and climbed inside a toy claw machine called the Bear Claw. There, he was discovered by amused bowling alley patrons playing happily in a sea of stuffed animals. 

    The boy's frantic mother called authorities Monday to report him missing—only to discover he'd just been found. The toddler received a free stuffed animal as a souvenir from the bowling alley (as if this guy needed any help getting stuffed animals). 

    He was returned to his mom after she blew like $16.50 in quarters that she might as well have just spent on buying a new kid.

    (by Shira Rachel Danan)

  • Finland's new postage stamps feature homoerotic bondage art to be licked and bound to freshly stuffed envelopes.

    posted 51 minutes ago

    "'Sup, bro?" (via)

    First of all, Tom of Finland is the best name I could ever think of for the name of an artist who draws strikingly burly and chiseled men in confident and playful poses, often featuring leather fetish imagery. Robert Mapplethorpe may be the name more people are familiar with in America, but hopefully Tom of Finland will get a boost on the back of the news that Finland has commissioned stamps from Itella Posti in honor of the late artist (1920-1991), whose real name was Touko Laaksonen. Although I was not familiar with his work, he has been called the most influential artist of his genre (he is very famous, I'm just ignorant). 

    Maybe this will be a boon to gay rights in Finland, since gay couples currently can't marry or adopt there. Despite that lukewarm level of tolerance, Tom is one of the most well-known and respected artists the country produced in the 20th Century, and that's nothing to shake a stick at. The stamp sheet is comprised of two iconic Tom of Finland images selected by graphic artist Timo Berry, who said of the art, "the sheet portrays a sensual life force and being proud of oneself. There is never too much of that in this northern country." That's not to diminish its quality as homoerotica. As Tom himself once said, "If I don't have an erection when I'm doing a drawing, I know it's no good.

    I like that the guy being sat on looks like he's in the middle of a calm conversation. (via)

  • 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 16, 2014

    posted 1 hour ago

    Miley Cyrus is in hospital be, new parents are in for some sleep deprivation, Louisiana is all up inside your back door, and more...

  • Rapping medic spits adorable rhymes to little girl with broken foot.

    posted 2 hours ago

    "Seriously, don't get it wet. Guess I could have just said that."

    This rapping staff sergeant may not have much on Dr. Dre, but on the other hand, Dr. Dre isn't capable of delivering competent medical advice. The little girl in the video is the kid of Army parents, so when she broke her foot on the base, she was treated by this musically talented medic. She doesn't appear to be all that upset about her injury—she did get a pretty sweet neon pink cast—but I'm sure this SSG's soothing rhymes have calmed many an injured pediatric patient. After all, his rapping is a good reminder that a broken foot will heal, but this dude will always be a big ol' dork.

    (by Shira Rachel Danan)

  • A kid taking a selfie in front of a train got kicked in the head by the train conductor.

    posted 3 hours ago

    It was the headphones that made the train conductor do it. The headphones.

    By his own admission, Jared Michael "messed up." He "tried to take a selfie while a train passed a 'safe' distance behind." Instead, he learned a lesson in selfie safety when the annoyed train conductor kicked Jared in the head. Kids, never take selfies within kicking range of fast-moving vehicles! It's not safe for you, and it's certainly not safe for the drivers tempted to smack you upside the head.

    Worse still, Jared seems to think his near-death experience is kind of cool, saying excitedly, "I think I got that on film!" This is how it starts, people. The temptation to take an awesome selfie turns into the temptation to suffer bodily injury on camera just to acquire more YouTube hits from strangers. It's a slippery slope. 

    Just in case any teens reading this didn't get the picture yet...

    Sorry to use scare tactics, but someday you'll thank me.

    (by Shira Rachel Danan)

  • Dad brutally executes Peep hostages until his kid who loves Peeps comes home from college.

    posted 4 hours ago

    To be fair, Easter is an execution-related holiday. (via redditor rinzlerwolf)

    There's one lucky college student and Peep afficionado out there, redditor rinzlerwolf, with a very creative and sadistic (in the good way?) father who really wants him or her to come home from school for Easter as soon as possible. To achieve this, the Dad is exploiting his kid's one major weakness: rinzlerwolf really, really loves Peeps. So, every year, good old Dad buys a bunch of Peeps and methodically tortures and kills them in new and surprising ways every day in the run-up to Easter and sends the pictures to his kid. Now you, too, can enjoy the magical and fluffy death of these sticky-sweet Easter staples. 

    "Do you expect me to peep?" "No, Mr. Peeps, I expect you to die!"

    Personally, I can watch Peeps die all day—they're way more sliceable, smooshable and explodable than they are delicious, but I know a lot of folks feel strongly about this issue. That's why I'm going to start throwing them off the Empire State Building if you don't check out our list of absolutely terrifying Easter Bunnies.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • 27 of the most terrifying Easter Bunnies to ever make a small child cry.

    posted 6 hours ago

    Salmon-colored fur and angry eyes just scream "Easter Fun." (Via)

    Whoever decided the mascot for Easter should be a small, not very personable mammal wasn't thinking ahead to when shopping malls would try to market this thing. If you take a diminutive animal and blow it up big enough for a kid to sit on its lap, you've got yourself a seven-foot-tall wildebeast whose dead plastic eyes do nothing but make children scream. Here are some of the more terrifying examples of Easter Bunnys gone horrifically wrong.

  • 14 horrifying confessions from fast food workers.

    posted yesterday

    "Would you like directions to the hospital with that?"

    If you eat a lot of fast food, maybe you shouldn't watch this video of employees confessing to all sorts of horrible acts. Or maybe should should watch it, over and over until you realize that you're better off packing a lunch if you can't eat at home. And be sure to wash everything first, because if fast food workers are this bad, odds are we're getting F'd with at the supermarket as well. It also helps to not be a dick to anyone in the service industry. Better yet, don't be a dick in general.

    The confession were apparently made using the Whisper App, but I'm really hoping that they're actually a front organization for the NSA, who are now busy tracking down every one of these degenerates for prosecution.

    [ Via Youtube ]
  • Two elderly women adorably conquer their fear and fly for the first time.

    posted yesterday

    Ria and An, a Dutch treat.

    We're all afraid of something, or have put off one experience or another for so long that it seems like if we continue to run out the clock we'll never have to face it. That's what Vodofone had in mind when they found Ria and An, two elderly Dutch women who had never flown, and put them together on a flight to Barcelona to create this video.

    I don't know how they found them, but Ria is so adorable you'd think she was discovered by Stephen Spielberg after a month-long casting session for Adorable Old Lady. Which made her the perfect travel companion for An, who plays the part of the set-in-her-ways old person whose idea of excitement is probably a cup of tea in front of Dutch Jeopardy.

    The women start flying at the 6:10 mark of the video, but before that are seen preparing for the flight with a bunch of other firsts - a roller coaster ride, a flight simulator and video chatting with tablets.

    Another first they both experienced, which might be a first for anyone in the last fifteen years, was a totally pleasant flight, totallly free of any of the first-class crap that has become a routine part of every trip.

    And now they can also scratch "viral marketing stars" off their bucket list.

    (by Jonathan Corbett)

    [ Via Mashable ]
  • This video of dogs demanding to be petted is pathetically cute.

    posted yesterday

    Man's best, neediest friend.

    Dogs are pretty simple creatures. All they need is a loving home, food, and occasional hands-on affection. Of course, some dogs require a lot of hands-on affection. In some extreme cases, like the dogs seen in this video, they may need constant, on-demand petting from their owners, or else the animals will beg, prod, badger, growl, mope, torment, bark, hassle, whimper, hound, cry, and generally torment the nearest human until the petting resumes. Like I said, pretty simple.

    [ Via Youtube ]