Latest Posts
  • Gwyneth Paltrow, and a bunch of famous ladies who can stand to be near her, squeeze together for a selfie.

    posted 3 hours ago


    Her patented "It's okay to envy me" smirk. (via Getty)

    Gwyneth Paltrow invited a horde of moderately famous blondes (and a couple brown-hairs because all are welcome in the Goop) to consciously couple for a Girls Night selfie. Behold.

  • 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 19, 2014

    posted 4 hours ago

    X-Men is protected from sex scandals by audiences' super apathy, a family is attacked by their adorable cat, a high school kid got nationally rejected for the prom, and more...

  • This chimpanzee building a fire and roasting marshmallows is oddly fascinating.

    posted yesterday

    I hope he can also work a hose. And a treadmill.

    I haven't seen the BBC show this clip is from, but this bonobo building a fire and roasting marshmallows is both awesome and confusing. On one hand, it's an amazing example of how intelligent some primates are, and how similar their behavior can be to our own (He blows on the marshmallow!) On the other hand, who thinks it's a good idea to teach primates how to build fires? Despite millions of years of an evolutionary head start, there are still humans that can't be trusted with matches. Chimps have been doing fine without them to this point, so how about we leave them in the dark on this one.

    Also, why is the BBC giving a bonobo marshmallows? Is this an overly aggressive chimp they're trying to kill with Type 2 diabetes? Again, they've been getting by for millions of years without roasted cornstarch in their diet. If the BBC really values the life of these creatures, they should consider teaching them how to steam vegetables.

    (by Jonathan Corbett)

    [ Via BuzzFeed ]
  • A New Jersey woman's "8THEIST" license plate was rejected, and she's making a federal case out of it.

    posted yesterday


    I guess 1 through 7 theist was taken. (via)

    New Jersey's war on godless vanity license plates continues! Harumph! Harumph!

    Last August, American Atheists' President David Silverman was rejected by the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission after he applied for a "ATHEIST" license plate. He appealed the decision and the court agreed that he had a constitutional right to be just as self-righteously annoying as anyone else on the highway.

    [ Via Gawker ]
  • Goat sneezes on woman, woman loses her freaking mind.

    posted yesterday

    Goatsundheit.

    I cannot say exactly why this woman has such an overblown reaction to a goat sneezing. Maybe she's a germophobe. Maybe she's a sternutaphobe. Maybe her father was brutally murdered by a goat with allergies. Or maybe she just had a random freak out moment like I do when a piece of lint moves just the wrong way across my desk. All of these, however, are the wrong questions.

    What we should be asking ourselves is what's going through that goat's head just after this lady bugs out? Look at his face at the ten-second mark. He looks over at the camera guy as if to say, "Are you kidding me with this bush league snack dispensing?" The goat is clearly unimpressed.

    Also, why is she feeding him a bag of cocaine? That seems unwise.

    (by Dennis DiClaudio)

  • This nice little piggy just wants a teensy bite of your salad, please.

    posted yesterday


    You're lucky it's Good Friday and not Easter, hammy. Also that your owner
    is probably a vegan. 
    (via Michelle Stratham)

    Meet Albert, a wee piggie who just wants to nom on your salad. Just a little bit. Well, he is a pig, so I guess given the chance, he'd probably wolf it down, but he's well-mannered enough to know it's not his right now. This video was posted by Fleetwood, UK resident and very proud vegan Michelle Statham, although the pig is not hers (he is her Facebook profile photo, though). It is from August, but is making the rounds again today, probably to make us all feel a little bad during peak glazed-ham time on Easter Sunday. Just a little bit.

     
    I've had girlfriends and siblings and frankly all types of people be less polite than this.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • Church's reenactment of Good Friday ends in horribly embarrassing crucifixion mishap.

    posted yesterday

    Father forgive them, for they know not what they WHOOAH!

    This clip should be the "A Christmas Story" of Easter. Play it on a loop on TNT.

    [ Via Youtube ]
  • The citizens of Ypsilanti, MI are banding together to catch the man who poops on their playgrounds.

    posted yesterday


    Where do we report for our T-Shirts? (via @michiganprobz)

    It's been a while since society had a criminal with a really fun nickname, but now we have the Ypsilanti Pooper. It has just been announced that the police do have a person of interest for the crimes, but all that is known for sure is that for the past six months, someone has been pooping on the Prospect Park playground in Ypsilanti, Michigan. It should be noted that Ypsilanti is the home of Eastern Michigan University, where there are 20,000+ college kids. And although they were exceedingly nice (this is the Midwest, after all) when I did a show there once, there is at least one kid there who could be a suspect for random acts of defecation. Sorry, college kids.

    I'm sure a billboard about 3rd-world hunger would get the same attention.

    The billboard itself is owned in part by Adams Outdoor Advertising, and it was inspired by an employee at their Ann Arbor branch, about 6 miles from Ypsilanti, but the town has been consumed by the noxious nocturnal ne'er-do-well since his or her reign of fecal terror began. The impromptu PSA was not in coordination with (and apparently not to the amusement of) the local police. "We're not authorizing it and we don't need it," said City Manager Ralph Lange in an interview with MLIVE. The Pooper PSAs run in between other paid ads. "Our art guy had a lot of fun. He came up with a few designs," Todd Williams, manager of Adams Outdoor Advertising's Ann Arbor branch told The Daily Dot, "and I rejected a few." If you'd like to send those to us, we'd love to see them.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • This kid eloquently expresses his hatred for poetry through the magic of verse.

    posted yesterday


    A verse to poetics.

    A fifth-grade student named Panajotis was forced to write a poem as an assignment. The problem is that Panajotis hates poetry! Obviously! I mean, who doesn't? Poetry is like... some kind of... bad thing... that's... really stupid... or something. Look, you get my point. I'm not very good at expressing myself through clever turns of phrase and evocative imagery. Unlike Panajotis, who it seems is quite good at it. As is plainly obvious from the anti-poetry poem he turned he turned in:


    I hate poetry!

    Poetry looks like a demon rising.

    I don’t want to do this.

    Poetry sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

    I still don’t want to do this.

    Poetry smells like skunk spray times ∞ [infinity].

    I still don't want to do this.

    Poetry tastes like rotten eggs with human brains.

    I will never do this again.

    Poetry feels like being frozen by a freeze ray.

    Doesn't everybody hate poetry?
     

    A demon rising? Skunk spray times infinity? Rotten eggs with human brains? This kid is simultaneously doing the best and worst job ever at making his case against poetry.

    (by Dennis DiClaudio)

  • 5 totally weird things that actually happened this week.

    posted yesterday

    1. A sequel to "Mrs. Doubtfire" was announced. According to the Hollywood Reporter, a sequel to 1993's Mrs. Doubtfire is in the works, with Robin Williams and director Chris Columbus already on board. Apparently, they've been trying to make a sequel since 2001, but Williams and Columbus weren't enamored of any scripts until Elf screenwriter David Berenbaum got involved. Of course, we're all itching to know just how this movie could possibly require a sequel and how much money the sequel will make. In case you've forgotten, Robin Williams' character is unmasked as Euphegenia Doubtfire at the end of the first movie. Also, his kids would be their thirties by now, and hopefully a bit less gullible. Personally, I'm already looking forward to Mrs. Doubtfire IV: Divorce in Space!

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