Latest Posts
  • The first promo for the Fake Prince Harry dating show is here and it looks just as dumb as you'd hope.

    posted yesterday

    The Prince of Fails. (Fox)

    The first promo for Fox TV's upcoming masterpiece I Want to Marry Harry is here and it looks as though the The STD Network may have a smash hit on their hands. A while back, an executive at Fox must have asked his colleagues, "Do you think we could find 12 women dumb enough to not only fall for the Joe Millionaire prank, but believe they actually have a shot with the Prince of Wales?" When they all finished laughing and drying their eyes, the heartless bastards set out to cast a dozen gold-digging idiots, then put them on a plane and explained who Prince Harry was and that England is the country where people talk funny.

    Based on the promo, it looks like Fox has gone back to the winning EFITS formula: "Elegance," fighting, idiots, tears and stupidity. 

    Now all Fox has to do is find several million people dumb enough to waste thirteen hours or so of their lives watching this garbage. (Hand raised and waving) I'm in!

    (by Jonathan Corbett)

    [ Via HyperVocal ]
  • Professor suspended because his young daughter wore a 'Game of Thrones' t-shirt deemed "threatening."

    posted yesterday

    To be fair, Daenerys Targaryen is a threat to a lot of people. They just don't know it yet.

    This is a picture that Bergen Community College professor Francis Schmidt took of his daughter doing yoga in a Game of Thrones t-shirt (although by the looks of it, it's practically a dress for her). The professor of arts and animation at the Bergen County, NJ school posted the image to Google+, where it was seen (unlike most Google+ posts) by several of his friends and coworkers. One of those co-workers happened to be Jim Miller, executive director of human resources. Determined to live up to every stereotype of human resources directors, Mr. Miller immediately summoned Professor Schmidt and two of his colleagues to discuss this "threatening email."

  • Man faces federal charges for mistakenly thinking there were free refills on his soda.

    posted yesterday

    For $525, I hope they still let him keep the cup.

    Christopher Lewis, a construction worker from North Charleston, South Carolina was in the VA Medical Center cafeteria in downtown Charleston for his lunch break when he was arrested for "theft of government property" totalling 89¢. "As I was filling my cup up, I turned to walk off and a fella grabbed me by the arm and asked me was I gonna pay for that, and I told him I wasn't aware I had to pay for that," said Lewis. According to the hospital, the cafeteria is full of signs stating the refill policy, and the officer claims Lewis has done this multiple times without paying (although Lewis readily admitted to that).

    lf a federal officer asks you if you're going to pay for that, say yes.

    He tried to pay then and there, but it was too late. He was taken to a room, issued a ticket for $525 and told never to come back. He's now out of a job. "I'm done there, at the VA hospital," Lewis lamented, "I'm not allowed to go on the premises anymore. I asked him can I still work on the job site and just bring my lunch and not go to the cafeteria, and he said he wanted me off the premises." A hospital spokesperson later claimed he had become aggressive during the interaction. Lewis has contacted the Internal Affairs Office in Columbia, SC and plans to fight the fine in federal court.

    In conclusion, don't try to sneak in a free refill when there are both federal officers and signs posted. Not everywhere works like a rest stop Sbarro's.

    (by Johnny McNulty)

  • This family's 'Summertime Is Great' music video is so bad it's great.

    posted yesterday

    "Hmmm... We need a word that rhymes with 'great' that is also a synonym for 'great'?"

    Vapid, hackneyed lyrics. Cloyingly upbeat delivery. Uncomfortable, awkward screen presences. Absurdly bad production value. Overall unapologetic corniness. Any of these things alone could be enough to ruin a music video. So, you'd think that piling all of them together would make for a really awful viewing experience. But somehow it doesn't. Somehow, it creates something amazing. I'm not exactly sure how that works. It's like a strange form of mawkish alchemy. All I know is watched it five times already.

    The three disturbingly happy people responsible for "Summertime Is Fun" are the Sturm family, or Three Beat Slide as they're known professionally. And I mean "professionally" in the loosest sense of the word. I really don't know much about them or the story behind this incredible piece of outsider art. I did find this interview with them, but unfortunately I don't speak Spanish. Though apparently they do. Quite fluently: 

    El verano es genial!

    I'm sure that one day we'll find out more about this family, but I kind of don't want to. I don't want the mystery to die. Plus, I'm kind of worried that Jimmy Kimmel might be hiding behind Papa Sturm's motorcycle. 

    (by Dennis DiClaudio)

  • This man came up with an ingenious way to keep his dog from escaping through a broken fence.

    posted yesterday

    Upright and in control. (via)

    Texas redditor mikerathbun had a problem; his fence was broken and he needed to find a way to prevent his dog from escaping while the cement keeping a new post up was drying, which was going to take a while. That's when he realized that only one thing scared the dog enough to keep him far away from the new escape route - the dreaded Dyson DC24. 

    The cement dried, the repairs were made, and mikerathbun still has a dog. What's surprising is that he still has a vacuum.

    (by Jonathan Corbett)

    [ Via Reddit ]
  • The captain of an adult kickball team sent an email to all the men on the team with a warning not to have sex with female teammates.

    posted yesterday

    Don't screw where you kick balls, as the saying goes. (file photo)

    People do co-ed adult sports to meet people, specifically people of the opposite sex (people do everything to meet people of the opposite sex). But one kickball team captain is asking his dude players to refrain from making a move on the lady players—at least for the first five weeks of the season—in this email obtained by Deadspin.

    [ Via Deadspin ]
  • The most adorable baby crucifixion you'll ever see.

    posted yesterday

    Aw, the messiah has such a cute little tummy!

    The photo above, from a Brazilian school's Holy Week celebration, is creating waves on Facebook because of the portrayal of Jesus on the cross by a very young child. His costume, complete with cross, crown of thorns, and fake bloody wounds, is offensive to many, who don't think these kids are old enough to appreciate the significance of the story. (See our Parenting section for "10 Sure Signs Your Child Is Old Enough To Play The Savior Of Mankind.") Meanwhile, others worry that acting out the violent events of the story may traumatize kids.

    The obvious objection to this photo is that all the kids are going to want to play Romans instead of Jesus. Come on. Would you rather be some guy who has to hold his arms up for a really long time and pretend to be sleeping while basically wearing a diaper, or would you rather get a sweet headdress and a paper whip? 

    (by Shira Rachel Danan)

  • A restaurant has an upside down penis for a logo. Some balls.

    posted yesterday

    "Waiter, there's a cock and balls in the window." (via)

    The Market Place & Cafe in Ballston, Virginia has a cock and a pair of balls for a logo. There's just no getting around that. If you look at their logo and see a "Mustachioed figure wearing a tall chef's hat," there is something wrong with you. A nun would look at that and say "What's with the cock and balls?" The restaurant's window has been a local attraction for years, which would be a huge plus if you were in the business of selling dildos or gay porn, but less so when you're serving soup and sandwiches.

    [ Via UPROXX, Yelp ]
  • School's list of tips to prevent bullying looks like it was written by a panel of playground bullies.

    posted yesterday

    RULE #10: Learn that scars are cool, and that your bully is helping you get cooler. (via Jezebel)

    The Lincoln Public Schools system is cowering in a corner and apologizing today after an onslaught of outrage from parents who were rightly ticked off about a ludicrous anti-bullying flier that basically recommends closing your eyes and going to a happy place (don't get me wrong: going to a happy place is usually a great idea). The fliers were sent home with fifth graders from Zeman Elementary in Lincoln, Nebraska to be shown to their parents.


    Let's be honest, these two news anchors terrorized some dweebs in their day.

    Every single detail of it is better—and by better I mean worse—than the last. The objective of the flier is to make kids better at "turning bullies into buddies." What follows reads like any abuser's personal wishlist of victim traits.

    1. Refuse to get mad. "Anger is a feeling we have toward our enemies, not our buddies." "...if a bully finds out he/she can get you angry, you become their puppet..."

    2. Treat the person who is being mean as if they are trying to help you. "No matter how insulting or mean they may sound, be grateful and think they really care about you." Hey dork, at least the cool kids are paying attention to you!

    3. Do not be afraid. "If you are automatically lose."

    [ Via Jezebel, 10 11 Now ]
  • 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 17, 2014

    posted yesterday

    Chelsea Clinton begins her 2024 campaign, a bunch of bees took down a plane, Google continues its work to make the world more obnoxious, and more...